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I like to go to stores and mess with the salespeople, get them back. They mess with you all day. I go in the store, right? And I just try stuff on and walk around in it. They can't tell you how long to keep it on.
Women talk about nothing. I wish women could run out of words like cell phone minutes.
That's how you know you grew up in a ghetto house -- you'll be saying stuff like, 'My sister's daddy's cool.'
I can't be in a relationship -- gas is too damn high. I can't come get you. It's too expensive. Now, I'm dating in the community. If I can walk to you, it's going to last forever.
Women have got a first date trick they do. Whenever the bill comes, they reach in their purse and pretend they're looking for money because they want you to say, 'No, I've got it.' Hell no -- I let their ass look. 'Did you find it? Because I'm going to need that half.'
How many women are tired of getting grabbed in the club? Well, turn around when we call your ass then.
I've seen a bird get hit by a car. As a bird, how do you get hit by a car? Then I started thinking, it was a black bird showing off for some girl birds.
I tried to smother myself with a pillow. That doesn't work. I couldn't breathe.
I want a girl so dark, when I turn the lights off, I don't know where the hell she's at.
Women love to read your text messages. Stay the hell out of a man's text message! And men, sometimes it's your fault, too, because you didn't do it the DeRay way. You didn't pimp-proof your house. Before you go to sleep, this is what I do: I send...
I grew up in a bad neighborhood in Chicago. No one was scared of me. I tried to rob a white dude once. I was like, 'Give me your wallet.' He was like, 'Give me your wallet.'
I hated Halloween, man. We never could afford a costume, never. One year we were so broke, my mother made us be expressions for Halloween. I'm like, 'Mom what am I going to be?' She'd be like, 'Come here.' She'd fix my face; I'd say, 'What am I?' 'Confused.'
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kids (630),
money (431),
parenting (335),
growing up (259),
holidays (86),
DeRay Davis (12),
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