Most Popular Tags Today
1-20 of 26 Results
I see all these beautiful women... and then you see the men hanging out. 'Yo, yo, yo -- yo, sweetness, yo, yo -- Oh, you don't want this? Oh, OK then.'
A lot of people think it's easy to date these young women. It's not; it's very difficult. It takes a lot of preparation. I have to work out almost every day to remain portly, and I got to do my homework 'cause you have to talk to these...
Older women are comfortable, like an old couch.
When you're married and you want to have sex, you've got to plan ahead. You've got to strategize. You've got to know when to strike. You've got to get maps and everything, plotting it out. You've got to hit your wife under the cover of darkness,...
Soon as a baby's born, it's all about the baby. And it's scary because a lot of these parents, it's like they can't see their own children's faults. They're perfect. 'Look at this baby! Look at him, he's so cute. Look at him! Oh, and he's smart,...
You've gotta be playing tennis, juggling hatchets, sky-diving. I've got news for you -- you don't have to do nothing when you're butt-naked but just be butt-naked.
You always have big plans before you get high, don't you? You're gonna do a bunch of stuff before you get high. You're like, 'First of all, we're gonna do all our homework. Then, we're going to paint the house. Then, we're going to play some...
It is great in the beginning. It's wonderful. You play those little sex games: 'Hey girl, I got something for you. It's long and brown and a quarter of a pound!'
He blows that pistol off, and you're running. Oh, you're waving -- 'Look at me, I'm running a marathon!' Oh and it's great. It is exciting! It is exciting for about a mile-and-a-half.
Everything is messed up. The air travel -- you know that's messed up. Remember the good old days? You roll up curbside, check a box of grenades -- clear on the through to Chicago.
All of my relatives got old in one day. I came back this past year, everybody looks the same: they're all fat, bald, with a mustache. Men, women, kids -- I don't know who I'm talking to half the time.
Every year, I go home, and I always go back to my old neighborhood and walk around. Everybody's standing on the street corners holdin' their nuts. Everybody -- in the middle of the day -- 'What's up, man? Motor City all up in it, yo.' And these are the women!
I still believe in love. Actually, my friends say I love too much, because I did. I put my ex-wife on a pedestal. I thought the sun rose and set in her stankin' ass.
I stopped smoking reefer because I started thinking, if great men throughout history had smoked reefer, no tellin' what would have happened. Like if somebody like Martin Luther King Jr. had smoked reefer, he would have been giving speeches like,...
I married a perfectly good whore -- ruined her with love and matrimony.
All we do is have sex: sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex -- until you're chafed, raw, swollen, bloody, scabby! And what do we do? We have more sex because we are in love.
You wake up one morning, and you're talking alike. The next thing you know, you're dressing alike. Then you start blowing your friends off, telling your family to go to hell, skipping school, skipping work -- just living in each other's ass.
Breaking up is always hard to do, isn't it? I broke up. I recently broke up from my little honey bunny. I was distraught. I thought I was going insane. I lost all this weight, got all skinny. My friends were like, 'You look fabulous!'
I got on the elevator with this one church lady. Her hat was so big, it looked like she just took a whole rosebush out of the ground and just stuck it on her wig.
Jokes Tagged:
men/women (1718),
religion (507),
lookin' good (489),
fashion (114),
David Alan Grier (26)
People of color, we really need to stop videotaping our crime scenes.
Jokes Tagged:
ethnic (427),
technology (345),
laws (214),
police business (72),
David Alan Grier (26)
