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I took this girl to dinner, and I heard that women like it when you order for them, so I was like, 'I'll have the special, and she's not getting anything tonight.'
When I was eight years old, I had to do a science project, but my dad just did it for me. I didn't contribute at all. I think the teacher kind of figured it out when the project was called, 'Is My Wife Cheating on Me?'
I would give my left nut for a really nice guitar. I don't actually play the guitar, but I have three testicles.
My parents are getting old and sick. I think I might have to put them in a nursing home. I feel really bad, though, because I live with my parents and I don't want to live in a nursing home.
Today was a sad day. We had to pull the plug on my grandmother 'cause I needed the outlet for my laptop.
My grandfather was actually a Holocaust survivor, and you can tell that it really affected him because to this day, he still will not walk into a gas chamber.
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