Most Popular Tags Today
1-9 of 9 Results
In the neighborhood where I live, there's a fortune teller. I had never been there, so I decided that I was gonna go. It was such a scam. Lady had a crystal ball; she was predicting the most unamazing stuff: 'I see in your future a tall, dark man with big forehead.' I'm like, 'Uh, that's my reflection.'
Yesterday morning, I was in the park; I saw this old man doing tai chi. I was like, 'That is beautiful.' Then I look closer, and it wasn't an old man doing tai chi. It was one of those heroin guys that never falls over.
My brother -- he's 17 -- he calls me up, and he's like, 'I'm gay.' I was like, 'What?' I had the thesaurus out. I'm like, 'You mean festive, right? Gregarious. One who is predisposed to fits of frolicking?'
My most recent trip was to Jamaica. That was cool. I had a good time. I got stopped at customs, though. The lady was like, 'Are you bringing any drugs into Jamaica?' I was like, 'Drugs into Jamaica? That's like bringing Slim-Fast to Ethiopia.'
I'm Jewish, and I have a German Shepherd. That's a bad combination 'cause he's always looking at me, like he's thinking about the good old days.
I had to go to the dentist -- very scared of the dentist. I go into the office, and I'm waiting. A little kid comes out, and he's crying. The dentist bends over and gives him a lollipop. I'm like, 'Don't take that, man. That's what got you in here in the first place.'
I think supers have super powers -- like the power to disappear anytime there's some stuff that needs to be done. Like they hear you coming: 'Quickly -- in the shape of a coat rack!'
Sometimes people bring bikes on the train. Like, it's a bike -- go ride it. What are you -- cheating in a race?
There's a lot of Pakistani cab drivers. I wonder if you go to Pakistan, if all the cab drivers are American, and all the Pakistani guys mess with him? 'Look! His name is John -- only one syllable! Close the flap. You stink like cheeseburger. Now drive.'
Jokes Tagged:
ethnic (427),
international affairs (349),
work/office (325),
travel (277),
driving (241),
D.C. Benny (9)
« Prev 1 Next »
