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You're better friends than we are. Think about it: men seem to have friendships that last for years. You know why? You guys don't talk to each other.
Of course you're nicer than we are, your lives are less stressful. Do you know this? For one thing, what you're wearing tonight will be in style for the rest of your lives.
Then there's a friend who only calls me when she's depressed. You all know people like this: I'm on the phone with her for three hours; it's a waste of time. She never listens to my advice -- she will not jump.
Do you guys know that to hang out with you, we pretend we understand football? Do you know that faking football has replaced faking the orgasm in America?
I hear from one guy -- who I don't even think I'm seeing anymore -- calls me out of the blue and then says, 'It's only been two weeks.' I'm thinking, 'Two weeks?! Do you know what that is in girl years? We're talking six, seven, eight, nine years, hon.'
I have a friend tells me he can get by on one hour of sleep. To me, this is crazy. It's like someone bragging that they only need one tooth to chew. You know, you might do it with one, but you look a helluva lot better with more.
Pajamas -- they're stupid. They make no sense at all. If I'm gonna make the effort of putting on matching tops and bottoms, I might as well put on heels and go out for the evening.
What the hell is Victoria's Secret? Please. My guess is that she likes to dress like a slut.
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