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Q: Why is Monica Lewinsky voting Republican in the next election?
A: Because the Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.
A: Because the Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth.
Q: Did you hear that former President Clinton is buying a house in North Carolina?
A: He can't decide which city to live in: Blowing Rock or Morehead City.
A: He can't decide which city to live in: Blowing Rock or Morehead City.
I'm going to miss Bill Clinton, but you know we'll still see him, you know we will. Because, remember, like, the losers in high school that would graduate and still drive around the campus at noon? That's going to be Bill Clinton at the White House.
For those eight years Clinton was the president, it was like we had that really cool substitute teacher.
I performed at a Democratic fundraiser in Miami Beach about two and a half years ago, and I performed for Bill Clinton. I did stand-up comedy for him as well.
Clinton's whacked man. This guy's dangerous. He's the kind of guy that could say to a woman and get away with it, 'You know, if you'd only take your clothes off, and let me see you naked, there would be no more racism.'
If nothing else, you have to say that President Clinton -- it was fun... I mean, every day he's in another jam, and not a fender bender, either -- the kind of stuff that James Bond can't get out of... Caught on camera lying. Lying! On camera! How...
There's only two white men that black people love: Bill Clinton and Bob Barker.
Bill and Hillary are fast asleep in the First Bedroom, when Hillary wakes and starts shaking Bill.
Bill groggily opens his eyes and says, "Honey, it's 3am. What do you want?"
"I have to go use the bathroom," Hillary replies.
Bill...
To be sung to the tune "A Few of My Favorite Things" from the "The Sound of Music"
Blow jobs and land deals in backwater places,
Big Macs and french fries and girls with big faces,
Lots of nice cleavage that makes Willie...
Blow jobs and land deals in backwater places,
Big Macs and french fries and girls with big faces,
Lots of nice cleavage that makes Willie...
I did not do it in a car
I did not do it in a bar
I did not do it in the dark
I did not do it in the park
I did not do it on a date
I did not ever fornicate
I did not do it at a dance
I did not do it in her...
I did not do it in a bar
I did not do it in the dark
I did not do it in the park
I did not do it on a date
I did not ever fornicate
I did not do it at a dance
I did not do it in her...
Q: Why was there so much confusion with the Secret Service after George W. Bush took over the White House?
A: Because President Bill Clinton's code name was also "Mr. Bush."
A: Because President Bill Clinton's code name was also "Mr. Bush."
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts, "Save the women!"
George W. Bush hysterically hollers, "Screw the women!"
Bill Clinton's asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"
As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts, "Save the women!"
George W. Bush hysterically hollers, "Screw the women!"
Bill Clinton's asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"
Q: What's the difference between greeting the Queen of England and greeting Bill Clinton?
A: You only have to get down on one knee to greet the queen.
A: You only have to get down on one knee to greet the queen.
Q: Why did Bill Clinton have such a hard time deciding what to do with Elian Gonzalez?
A: The last time he decided where to put a Cuban he was almost impeached.
A: The last time he decided where to put a Cuban he was almost impeached.
What will Bill Clinton always be remembered for as history goes on?
He's after Bush.
