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A good story is always you doing something wrong, you know? That's why nice people are so damn boring. I mean, they're nice, but their stories suck.
You know what I like about George Bush? He makes me feel like I could be president, too. No, he does. He's like the first guy, like, from my reading level, you know -- the first guy, like, from my math class to finally go out and do something!
Now, if they were just honest about it and were like, 'Look, this guy's going to die in, like, seven or eight minutes; I'm going to get a bag of cash and a Lexus,' I wouldn't have a problem with it.
You know what a cubicle basically says? It basically says, like, 'You know what? We don't think you're smart enough for an office, but we don't want you to look at anybody.'
I used to always work in, like, warehouses, because if my boss gave me a rough time, I could just get on a forklift and just, like, drive away from him.
There's no 'brothers' when it comes to white people. We are just complete individuals. We don't care about each other. He's not my brother; my brother lives in Ohio -- I don't know that guy.
I'll tell you why -- because, in the unlikely event that we're both on the Titanic and it starts to sink, for some reason, you get to leave with the kids and I have to stay -- that's why I get the dollar more an hour.
I'd be like, 'Lady, get the hell away from me! You're old, you're gross -- I'm sorry. I'm sure you were unbelievable back in the 20s, when you were doing the Charleston, making beer in your bathtub, but you're at least four decades past humpable. I'm sorry.'
Rednecks are like America's pit bulls. They should just sedate those people, drop 'em off in Afghanistan, just let them run wild. Just be like, 'Dude, just go do everything you ever dreamed of doing. Just go crazy. Have one of your friends play the banjo -- it'll scare the hell out of them.'
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What's up with all these guys killing their wives now? Like, every couple of weeks in the news, you see that sh*t -- guys killing their wives. I don't understand it. First of all, why would you kill another person, and second of all, don't they...
Jokes Tagged:
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violence (216),
laws (214),
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