Jokes tagged with 'America' | Jokes.com | Comedy Central

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Your Search for "America" found 75 results in Jokes

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-- a pizza can get to your house faster than an ambulance.
-- there are handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
-- Sick people must walk to the back of the drugstore to get their prescriptions, while healthy people can buy...
America
Jokes Tagged: America (75) 
Alabama: At Least We're Not Mississippi

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't be Wrong!

Arizona: But It's a Dry Heat

Arkansas: Litterasy Ain't Everthing

California: As Seen on TV

Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't...
America
Jokes Tagged: America (75) 
Q: Mississippi gave Missouri a New Jersey, so what did Delaware?

A: I don't know, Alaska.
vintage
America
Jokes Tagged: vintage (162)America (75) 
Is it weird being a twin city? Do you sometimes know exactly what the other city's thinking?
America
Jokes Tagged: America (75)Arj Barker (39) 
To every race of people in here tonight that whitey has jacked up, I sincerely apologize -- for taking your land, for the abuse, for the torture, for the small pox blanket, for the Jim Crow laws. Black people, I apologize for Kramer.
ethnic
history
America
We're the greatest country on Earth except when it comes to getting sh*t done.
news & politics
work/office
America
I want to take one of those English as a Second Language courses -- just go in and blow everybody away on the first day.
education
America
We have more food in our gas stations than they have in all of Bosnia. It's true. Our motto should be 'America: never more than 50 feet from a snack.'
food
international affairs
America
We are the fattest nation on the planet. You know we're obsessed with food when we come up with something called cotton candy. Who was so hungry they thought, 'I wish I could eat my clothes'?
food
weight/obesity
America
Of all the people there are least of, we are the biggest of that group.
ethnic
America
It's sad to think about it, but let's face it -- the average American wouldn't know how to question authority if it was on the other end of a knock-knock joke.
insults
education
America
I think our country doesn't want us free; I think they want us sedated. You know, so we don't notice things -- like who's running it.
news & politics
George W. Bush
America
If you're not sure who is a terrorist in this country, they've really helped us out to figure it out. If you go to the website of the Department of Homeland Security, they'll give you some hints. First thing you want to look for is pregnant women,...
news & politics
America
terrorism
It's America, not a load of laundry -- no need to separate the white and the colors.
dating
ethnic
America
I have never been so glad to be back in America, where people speak Spanish.
travel
America
I know that most domesticated animals aren't indigenous to this country. So guess what, cat? You can beat it. Go back to Catalina Island or Catalonia, Spain, or Katmandu, or wherever the hell your hairy ass is from! 'Cause this is America and around here - Katmandon't.
animals
America
I like immigrants 'cause they really appreciate America. They get here; they happy. They look up at the buildings like, 'Wow! It's beautiful.' And we're like, 'You like it? Good. You gonna clean the bathrooms.'
news & politics
ethnic
America
I was reading in the paper that a lot of kids in the United States are suffering from depression. Younger and younger, our children are seeing the sippy-cup as half empty.
kids
mental health
America
Have you ever seen somebody order in this country? That's when you realize -- hey, maybe we have too much freedom in the United States: 'Can I ask you a quick question about the coffee? Is it organic? OK, I don't want it, I don't want it. I'd like...
food
America
Now, we're Americans. Technically, who is from this country? Only the Indians, who we graciously let dwell on their native casinos.
ethnic
international affairs
America