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I had a chance to go bungee cord jumping last week. They make it look cool on TV, don't they? You always see people doing those sports in Mountain Dew commercials: risking their life, sipping a Dew. If you're jumping out of a balloon, hooked to a...
I like a sport where someone's getting injured. Of course, I watch presidential speeches just in case there's a sniper.
Then they've got the products for the elderly. Have you seen the recliner that has a cushion that pushes you to your feet? If you can't get out of a chair, chances are you don't need to get out.
So I go to flea markets to save money... I love to go. I was at a great one last week. Actually, it was a trailer park. People just let me browse through their homes.
I'm really trying to like baseball, but I finally figured out why I can't watch it: I have a pulse.
I don't eat right. I had cheese sticks for dinner tonight. It'd be healthier to take a bullet. At least a bullet would go through you.
I've got a friend who smokes five packs a day. He has to wear nicotine slacks. He says he's afraid to quit because he might get heavy. If he doesn't quit, there will be six friends going, 'Boy, he is heavy.'
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