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You know, if you just act natural, you can swim in any hotel pool, anywhere, for a half hour. The world is yours. You gotta be cool. If someone yells, 'Marco,' you yell, 'Polo' -- get in the game.
How did I quit? With willpower and nicotine gum. I recommend the gum if you wanna quit, it helps. The taste? I would rather eat a tobacco plant out of the ass of a pilgrim in front of people.
Baton Rouge has -- hands-down -- the hottest, sweetest, youngest women with four kids anywhere in the country.
If you want to sing in my car, go ahead, sing. Sing the whole trip, I don't mind. But do me a favor: don't try to sound like the artist on the radio, just use your own voice. You're not going to trick me into thinking Dave Matthews jumped in the car when I was getting gas.
I went to the store; I'm on the cereal aisle where they have the cereal, and I see a box of Cap'n Crunch. It's just the crunch berries; there's no crunch -- it's just a box of crunch berries. And that is the problem with kids today, right there:...
Eventually, I went to Hawaii. You ever been there before? It's beautiful. The travel agent told us, 'Stay off the beach a ways and save some cash.' Give you an idea of how far off the beach we were -- we were in Jersey. You know what? They're a little rude in that part of Hawaii.
I went to the barber shop. The guy goes, 'How ya doin' there, Red?' I said, 'Not bad, Psoriasis. You sure you wanna play this game?'
You mean you're not the guy from Creed's third cousin, second removed, if he had Down Syndrome, lived in a burlap sack and was beaten with an oar every five minutes? Well, you could have fooled me, man.
I learned a lot in the army. I learned how to masturbate quiet.
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