Most Popular Tags Today
1-9 of 9 Results
I flew out here on Southwest Airlines. Southwest has a plane that's painted like Shamu the whale from Sea World. Yeah, that'll be easy to find if that went down in the ocean. That'll be nice, when you're trying to get out and a real whale's humping your window.
It's fun to be in California. The police are kind of weird here. They ask you stupid questions. 'Do you know why I pulled you over?' Because I have pot in the glove compartment?
Jokes Tagged:
driving (241),
city (225),
laws (214),
drugs (179),
police business (72),
Robert Schimmel (9)
If you get a ticket, you can go to traffic school, and they make you watch movies for like eight hours: head-on collisions, mannequins flying out the windshield. At the end of the movie, the instructor goes, 'Now what have we learned by this?' Never let a mannequin drive your car.
My daughter saw this billboard for this place: 'Swim With the Dolphins.' She goes, 'I wanna do that.' I said, 'It's a lot of money -- forget about it.' She said, 'Dad, I always wanted to swim with the dolphins.' 'Always, or since you saw the sign?'
They do have weird ads. That one with the mother and daughter on the beach -- 'Mom, why do they have douche?' Why don't you ask the pelicans that are following you?
A lot of weird ads. Sally Struthers with that little kid: 'Just 55 cents, the price of a cup of coffee, feeds this kid and his family for a week.' Yeah, where is that? 'Cause I wanna move there.
You know what's weird about plane crashes is that you watch it on the news and they say the people have to be identified by their dental records. 'Cause if they don't know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
I went to rent a car, and the guy goes, 'Do you want the extra insurance?' I said, 'Why -- am I gonna get into an extra accident?'
I took my kid to the circus. 'How do they teach a bear how to ride a bike?' 'It's easy, honey, they nail his feet to the pedals, and they beat the crap out of him. He's not riding; he's running. He just happens to be attached to the bike.'
« Prev 1 Next »
