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I have a girlfriend. The only thing I don't like about her is that she's super materialistic... So we go out on this date the other night. The first thing she says to me -- no kiss 'hello,' no nothing -- she just goes, 'Well, I wanna see how much...
I was reading this article the other day, and it said, 'The perfect way to spice up your love life is to make love in a car wash.' Let me tell you guys from experience -- no, it is not. It's also the perfect way to ruin a church fundraiser.
The only thing I love more than the sport of baseball is absolutely pissing off all my buddies when I'm watching it with them. I was watching the game last week, I was like, 'Oh my God, dudes, the catcher is totally flirting with the pitcher.'
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