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They were persecuted at the turn of the century by the U.S. government -- that's right: Prohibition.
I'm a little nervous after what happened recently in Mexico: a sewer pipe exploded and killed 200 people. That's what happens when you have an entire country eating Mexican food.
I was in the post office the other day. You know the 'Wanted' poster in the lobby? It turned out it was Employee of the Month.
Everyone puts music now on their outgoing answering machine. Can we knock that off? You know they spent five hours going through their album collection to find the one song that most represents what they're all about. Like you're going to call up...
If Jeffrey Dahmer lived in New York, New Yorkers would have been like, 'Hey, you think that apartment's available?'
If you eat someone else in your airplane, do you get all their frequent flyer miles?
The New Kids on the Block lip-syncing -- who gives a damn? That's like finding out the Muppets didn't sing their own music.
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