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He's real old. Matter of fact, he had a prostate check -- they found an arrow head in there last week. Pretty nervous about it. He's going to the archaeologist next week.
He was in a wheelchair, kind of a troubled kid. He'd roll away from home all the time.
We fishing the other day, and I get hammered and I'm like, 'I gotta take a leak.' So, I start peeing in the lake -- realized I was in the fish tank up at the Red Lobster. Thank God they put some rubber bands on them lobster pinchers, I tell you that much. Good lord, I'd be up here half-c**ked right now.
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animals (949),
alcohol (432),
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blue collar (291),
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Larry the Cable Guy (9)
It got foreclosed on and they made him drive it back to the lot.
The Tina Turner concert in Texas got cancelled. You know why? Hurricane Ike.
I met Hillary Clinton about seven months ago. Talk about strange bedfellows' right there. And we didn't even really talk to each other -- we kinda just stood next to each other at the urinal for a couple of minutes.
I got left back in 5th grade so many times, I drove the rest of the class to school with me.
My brother wants to go on that show 'America's Got Talent.' I'm like, 'What the hell are you gonna do on there? You ain't got no talent.' He's goes, 'I can rip a phone book in half with my bare hands.' 'You live in a town of 47, you moron. That ain't a phone book, that's a pamphlet.'
O.J.'s going to jail. They just changed his name to B.J.
From the Roast of Larry the Cable Guy: Larry's book was groundbreaking. It was the first book that liberals agreed it was okay to burn.
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pop culture (779)
From the Roast of Larry the Cable Guy: I love you Gary [Busey]. You're like Mickey Rourke without the comeback.
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pop culture (779)
From the Roast of Larry the Cable Guy: I've found the best way to enjoy Larry's movies is to never put them in the DVD player.
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pop culture (779)
From the Roast of Larry the Cable Guy: What can you say about a guy who looks like Brett Favre, sounds like Gomer Pyle and dresses like Ellen DeGeneres?
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pop culture (779)
From the Roast of Larry the Cable Guy: Lisa [Lampanelli's] vagina is called "The Limo," 'cause it fits eight, has a leather interior, and I came in it tonight.
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pop culture (779)
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