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Where else can you pick up Jagermeister, fireworks and a cold sore?
Have you ever seen someone so heinous you want to walk up to them and go, 'Excuse me, where are your friends? Who do I blame for this being in public right now? Who said to you, "You're ready, let's go"? 'Cause I'd like to have a word with them. Apparently, they've run out of shame.'
You can't blame the kids for what they weigh 'cause you have to look at the toys they have. My little cousin owns a Chuck E. Cheese Pizza Oven. Now, I wish that was a joke, but that's true. In eight minutes, in his bedroom, he'll get you a meat...
It's not from fat burning drugs or exercise. But I just turned 29, and I swallowed a ton of chewing gum when I was 22, so that should be coming out any day now.
She was so loud, like all the time, and bulimic. I was always going, 'Honey, keep it down.'
I was walking back through this mall in January; there was a girl in front of Victoria's Secret who stopped me. She was like, 'Hey, how's it going?' I was like, 'Good, how are you?' She goes, 'Well, I'm curious, are you shopping for a wife or...
I walked in on him a couple of months ago screaming at his Easter basket. He's down on the ground, and I'm like, 'Andy, what's wrong? What are you doing?' He's like, 'I'm giving shout outs to my peeps.'
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