Most Popular Tags Today
1-16 of 16 Results
I went to an ATM today. Why would a homeless guy peddle for cash at the ATM? We're at the ATM 'cause we don't have any cash, and you're not getting a $20, bitch.
I don't even like big dogs. Nobody needs a Rottweiler. Unless you sell drugs or drive a sled to work, you don't need a dog that big.
Every flight I'm on is delayed -- every one. If you go to the airport and see I'm on your flight, you got time 'cause we're not going anywhere.
I'm lazy. When you go to bed and start setting your alarm clock for p.m. -- why even set it at all? I'm setting it for 1:30 the other day, going, 'I don't wanna oversleep or nothing.'
I don't read, alright? I pay for cable.
Let's just say some guy, some weird guy, has a million dollars to spend on a blow job. He could probably do better than me. You know what I mean. I don't have any experience; I'm gonna cry the whole f**king time.
My friends guilt trip me, 'You hear what Bush said today? You see his speech?' 'Uh, no.' 'How could you miss that?' 'I guess I got more channels than you do, dude. It wasn't on Nickelodeon. I don't care.' 'What about the education system and gay...
Who unplugs a TV -- ever? You plug it in once, and it stays that way 'til you f**king move, alright? There could be a nest of opossums behind my TV, I wouldn't know it 'cause I don't go back there.
I have never been so glad to be back in America, where people speak Spanish.
I don't know if you've looked at your state lately -- it sucks, alright? There's just cold and cows and stuff. I'm trying to get up to 88 miles an hour so I can get back to 1985, bitch.
I miss having a pet. We're not allowed to have dogs in my building. We're allowed to have cats. My friend's like, 'Why don't you get a cat?' I'm like, 'Why don't I just start kissing dudes, too, alright? Why don't I do that? Just go all the way...
I had my dog in one of those kennel carrier things, you know those boxes... They made me take the dog out of the carrier, so they could inspect it for explosives. Who bombs a f**king puppy? Really, who does that? Bin Laden would be like, 'You're a dick, dude. I can't believe you -- that's too far.'
People come to your yard sale and ask for items they don't even see. Like, I got departments you don't know about or something? 'Where are your drapes? We're looking for drapes; we don't see drapes.' Oh, that's 'cause housewares is on the back...
I didn't know I was making Thanksgiving dinner for you on a bun. It's a sandwich, alright? It's not a nuclear war situation. You're gonna eat again in three hours, dude.
Every year back in Ohio, we would have yard sales on Memorial Day weekend, so it's like Mardi Gras for white trash.
I'm all for porn, but don't share it. I go over my friend's house, 'Dude, I got this killer new porn. Wanna watch it?' 'Not together, really, that's weird. What's that gonna do to our relationship?'
« Prev 1 Next »
