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It's very difficult to impress women when you have no money. When I first moved into my apartment, I had no furniture for, like, six months. So, whenever a girl would come over for the first time, I'd have to act like I just got robbed. I'd be...
Cockroaches are gross, though. It doesn't even sound like a bug; it sounds like the world's worst STD. It's like, 'You hear about Cindy? She's got crabs.' 'That's nothing. Bob -- cockroaches.'
I quit smoking pot. I quit because I saw this commercial on TV -- you may have seen the same one -- it's the one where this kid gets all his buddies together, they're gonna go in the basement, and they're gonna smoke some weed. So, he goes to get...
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