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Dude, Columbia House, 12 records for a penny -- liars, huh? I can't buy a house because of the Wu-Tang album I bought nine years ago.
Remember 'E.T.'? Long-necked, big-eyed alien comes to this country, and they want to keep him here. How come when our illegal aliens come, they want to send them right back?
My mom's real religious, dude. She's all, 'You gotta find Jesus.' I'm like, 'I know where Jesus is. He's in jail.' 'Cause when all my friends come out, they're like, 'Hey, I found Jesus.'
Cops are cool. Any cops here? No? I f**king hate cops.
What's the last show Mexicans had? 'Fantasy Island' -- Ricardo Montalban, remember that? You see what I mean? The first time a Mexican owns a whole damn island, and it's a damn fantasy!
This country would suck without black people. Football would be all slow.
Afghanistan picking a fight with America -- what the hell? They can't afford cheese, and they want to fight America. You can't fight America if you can't afford cheese. First you get cheese, then you get cable, then you fight America.
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