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L.A. is very dangerous. I carry a gun in my car, that way, in case the police stop me, I can fend them off until the press gets there.
I see these two women on 'Geraldo,' and they're arguing about whether or not killing sperm constitutes abortion. I hope not, because if so, me and Scott paper towel company are going to jail.
Daryl Gates has come out with a video to teach people the correct way to get arrested. 'First step out of your car. Put your hands behind your back. Knock your forehead against the roof of that car 40 or 50 times.'
Jeffrey Dahmer was declared legally sane. I guess he's just got an eating disorder. He doesn't need prison time; he just needs Jenny Craig.
We have to get Bush out of office. He doesn't give a damn about us. Did you hear his new health care plan? He said, 'My new healthcare plan: stay healthy. Look at my wife, Barbara -- 600 years old, never seen a doctor.'
Now he's trying to get out of that tax snafu he did a couple years ago. He's trying to wrangle his way out of that. 'I never said no new taxes. I said no new Texas. It's too big. Where are we going to put it? I'm holding the line right there. No new Texas.'
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