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Jeff Dunham: Penicillin for Valentine's Jeff Dunham and Walter Jeff Dunham: Happy VD.
Walter: It was funny in junior high, and it's still funny now. I was going to buy you chocolates, but I could only afford the penicillin.
Walter: It was funny in junior high, and it's still funny now. I was going to buy you chocolates, but I could only afford the penicillin.
Jeff Dunham: I like Aquaman. He can breathe underwater and talk to fish.
Melvin: Yeah, great. He has all the same powers as Spongebob.
Jeff Dunham: How about the Hulk?
Melvin: Why do you like the Hulk?
Jeff Dunham: Well, the...
Melvin: Yeah, great. He has all the same powers as Spongebob.
Jeff Dunham: How about the Hulk?
Melvin: Why do you like the Hulk?
Jeff Dunham: Well, the...
Jeff Dunham: Well, did they say it would be only female virgins?
Achmed: Holy Crap! Wait... I could have Clay Aiken!
Achmed: Holy Crap! Wait... I could have Clay Aiken!
Jeff Dunham: Well if reincarnation happens, who would you come back as and what would you do?
Walter: I'd come back as my wife and leave me the hell alone.
Walter: I'd come back as my wife and leave me the hell alone.
Jeff Dunham: Walter, your wife is a lovely woman.
Walter: She's getting old.
Jeff Dunham: Well, you know, they say that women age like fine wine.
Walter: She's aging like milk.
Walter: She's getting old.
Jeff Dunham: Well, you know, they say that women age like fine wine.
Walter: She's aging like milk.
Jeff Dunham: Sometimes [my wife] calls me the 'the Hurricane'.
Walter: The what??
Jeff Dunham: The Hurricane.
Walter: Oh yeah, I get it. Exciting at first, then it ends in disaster. You know, maybe she should call you FEMA. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
Walter: The what??
Jeff Dunham: The Hurricane.
Walter: Oh yeah, I get it. Exciting at first, then it ends in disaster. You know, maybe she should call you FEMA. Slow to respond and not a lot of satisfying results.
Jeff Dunham: You're afraid of offending people?
Achmed: Yeah.
Jeff Dunham: You're a terrorist. You kill people.
Achmed: That's different. Killing people is easy; being politically correct is a pain in the ass.
Achmed: Yeah.
Jeff Dunham: You're a terrorist. You kill people.
Achmed: That's different. Killing people is easy; being politically correct is a pain in the ass.
Jeff Dunham: Did you get the tattoo?
Walter: Hell no.
Jeff Dunham: Well if you had, what would you have gotten?
Walter: I would have gotten a beautiful woman's face.
Jeff Dunham: Ah, and where would you have put it?
Walter: On my wife's face.
Walter: Hell no.
Jeff Dunham: Well if you had, what would you have gotten?
Walter: I would have gotten a beautiful woman's face.
Jeff Dunham: Ah, and where would you have put it?
Walter: On my wife's face.
Peanut: I think it'd be cool to be a ventriloquist.
Jeff Dunham: Why's that?
Peanut: I'd go to a lot of funerals. 'Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today' 'I'm not dead yet! Let me out of here! You son-of-a...'
Jeff Dunham: Why's that?
Peanut: I'd go to a lot of funerals. 'Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today' 'I'm not dead yet! Let me out of here! You son-of-a...'
Walter: My wife and I heard that coffee is good for your sex life.
Jeff Dunham: Oh, and is it?
Walter: No. It kept me awake for the whole damn thing. I actually had to participate!
Jeff Dunham: Oh, and is it?
Walter: No. It kept me awake for the whole damn thing. I actually had to participate!
Walter: I could get a real job.
Jeff Dunham: What would you do?
Walter: I want to be a greeter at Wal-mart.
Jeff Dunham: Wal-mart, huh? What would be your opening line?
Walter: 'Welcome to Wal-mart. Get your s**t and get out. Have a nice day'.
Jeff Dunham: What would you do?
Walter: I want to be a greeter at Wal-mart.
Jeff Dunham: Wal-mart, huh? What would be your opening line?
Walter: 'Welcome to Wal-mart. Get your s**t and get out. Have a nice day'.
Walter: My wife and I couldn't find any place to park anywhere near this stinkin' joint. And some jerk pulled up in a brand new Mercedes and pulled right into the handicap spot. He got out of the car and there was nothin' wrong with him, don't you...
Jeff: I had grandparents that were well into their 80s and still were having fun.
Walter: Their 80s? The hell kind of sex is that? 'Was it good for you?' 'I don't remember'. 'It was three minutes ago!', 'Who are you?!?'.
Walter: Their 80s? The hell kind of sex is that? 'Was it good for you?' 'I don't remember'. 'It was three minutes ago!', 'Who are you?!?'.
Walter: I ain't afraid of the cops around Santa Ana. You seen some of these guys? What, cops on bicycles? How intimidating is this: 'Alright buddy, pull it over. Ching-ching-ching'? What do they do when they arrest somebody? 'Alright, get in the basket'.
I tell you boy, the wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
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