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Texans have a very simple philosophy that solves all social problems, which is, 'Well, don't worry about it; we'll take you to a titty bar.'
My father calls me up, he says, 'If you need cash, make a collect call from Hugh Broke. That way I'll wire you the money, but I won't have to pay for the long-distance phone call.' So, whatever, I followed his instructions. I made a collect call...
I like discussing controversial issues with my father, like the Kevorkian trial. I said, 'Dad, do you think a family should have the right to withdraw life support on a loved one?' 'Well it depends on which kid.'
I saw this really cool documentary on HBO. It was ex-mafia guys who become government witnesses, and one of them says, 'I told the Feds there was only one place where I could wear a hidden microphone where they'd never search me, so they put it in...
My father listens to those all-sports radio shows they have, and no matter how easy the trivia question is, he never gets it right. I mean the easiest question -- 'This former Yankee, known as the Sultan of Swat, once hit 60 homers in a season and...
You've been listening to Rossini's Overture, 'La Gazza Ladra,' which is Italian for 'All My Exes Live In Texas.'
A lot of teams have ethnic names: Notre Dame, the Fighting Irish; Minnesota, the Vikings; Yeshiva University, the Price-Slashing Hebes.
When I was a kid, I said, 'Hey Dad, is Hugh short for Hubert?' 'No, it's long for "Huh."'
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