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Greg Giraldo on Jon Lovitz: "There hasn't been a more effeminate Jew in the closet since Anne Frank."
Jokes Tagged:
pop culture (770)
India and Pakistan have nuclear weapons. How did they get nuclear weapons? Those are dirt poor countries. Their armies don't even have matching uniforms. They go to war, they've got to call each other up, 'Wear something tough looking.'
Terrorism is obviously on everybody's mind. The other day my son says to me, 'Daddy, how come the bad men hate us?' How sad is that? I actually got tears in my eyes -- because he's 18. What kind of a moron am I raising?
Jokes Tagged:
insults (1620),
kids (630),
parenting (335),
wars (75),
terrorism (51),
Greg Giraldo (41)
A doctor was telling me a lot of people aren't getting their kids circumcised. How many people aren't doing it? I'm not looking to be a trendsetter when it comes to my kid's penis. I don't want my kid to be the only guy in the locker room with a schlong that looks like it's about to rob a bank.
I saw one of those giant Hummer cars with handicapped tags on it. I thought, 'Wow, I never realized that being an a**hole was technically a handicap.'
This one homeless guy came up to me the other day, and he was asking me for money. I was about to give it to him, and then I thought, 'He's just gonna use it on drugs or alcohol.' And then I thought, 'That's what I'm gonna use it on. Who am I to judge the guy, really?'
You got a cop under five feet tall, what if he's gotta plant evidence on a high shelf? What then? What if he's gotta chase a suspect onto a ride at Disneyland?
Edible underwear? Even during sex, we can't stop eating.
There was this guy recently who sued his landlord because he said scalding water from the shower burned his genitals. That's a hell of a way to test the water, huh?
I used to think about Cindy Crawford; now, I think about leaving dishes in the sink overnight without a war breaking out.
When I heard you could get a disease from playing with your prairie dog, I thought, 'Wow, what a euphemism.' I thought playing with my prairie dog was the best way to avoid diseases.
Do you know how short you have to be to have a Napoleon complex in North Korea?
Americans are not gonna conserve. We're not gonna shift to smaller cars. We can't -- we have big, fat kids.
Jokes Tagged:
insults (1620),
kids (630),
news & politics (616),
driving (241),
America (72),
Greg Giraldo (41)
Christine Todd Whitman had to resign as the head of the EPA. You know, when the governor of New Jersey decides the environment is hopeless, you gotta really think that one through.
Part of growing up is learning your strengths and weaknesses. What better way to figure out that hand-eye coordination ain't your thing than by getting drilled in the mouth by a red, rubber ball? You only gotta get beaned in the face so many times...
The Japanese scientists just found a 25,000-year-old mammoth in the ice in Siberia, and they're about to clone it... You think the Japanese of all people would want nothing to do with prehistoric animals after what happened with Godzilla.
Seventy-two virgins -- does that make sense to anyone? And it's an ancient religion, maybe it was misinterpreted? Maybe it's not 72 virgins, maybe it's a 7-foot-2 Persian.
We have a whole religion based on a woman who really stuck to her story.
Look at Thomas Jefferson. The guy had illegitimate kids in the 1700s, and they caught him last year. If you cheat on your wife and cover it up for 200 years, you're pretty much thinking you're home free.
You're gonna check my computer records? Is that important? I don't think the government needs to know how I feel about teen Asian sluts in order to fight terrorism.
Jokes Tagged:
sex (2379),
news & politics (616),
technology (345),
terrorism (51),
Greg Giraldo (41)
