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That place is so behind the times, you can't even get AIDS there yet.
They should raise the alcohol age to 60, so at least you'd have something to look forward to at this point.
If you need a baby that bad, go down to the pound and get one. Not even a baby -- go get an old man. There's unwanted people of all ages, pre-made and waiting for you.
I sometimes wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people or if they just enjoy the quiet.
If God had intended women to prostitute themselves, he would have given them a free will and a vagina.
If you ever find the perfect person, run so fast that they see flames shoot out of your ass 'cause all the perfect person does is amplify your flaws a thousand-fold. It makes you feel like that much more of a dick: I used to be a partier; now, I'm an alcoholic. It's all in who's judging.
Oh look, she smiled at me!' It's because you sh*t your pants.
Babies are like poems. They're beautiful to their creator, but to other people, they're silly and they're irritating.
I've done coke 'til my nose was bleeding like the fourth week of Lilith Fair.
You watch too much porno, it diminishes your taste for the kind of girls that will actually poon you.
Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to do.
A real cop fights real crime. A vice cop's only job is to ruin the party.
Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly.
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