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The only thing we've found since we've been [in Iraq] is $700 million. Remember that story? The two sergeants found $700 million in a cave. And I knew they was white boys soon as I heard they gave all that money back... If that was me, I would've...
All my friends, all they do is drink and smoke -- all they do, all day -- but they're sensitive. Like after 9/11, they thought they was patriotic, you know. They telling me what their military strategy was gonna be the next day with a joint in...
Comedy's a tough job, man. I've got friends who got cool jobs. One of my friends, he's a porno star. Guess how he got discovered? This girl sat on his lap, and she was like, 'Ooh, you should do porno!' Same girl sat on my lap and was like, 'Ooh, you should tell jokes!'
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