My parents are getting old and sick. I think I might have to put them in a nursing home. I feel really bad, though, because I live with my parents and I don't want to live in a nursing home.
I took this girl to dinner, and I heard that women like it when you order for them, so I was like, 'I'll have the special, and she's not getting anything tonight.'
My grandfather was actually a Holocaust survivor, and you can tell that it really affected him because to this day, he still will not walk into a gas chamber.
When I was eight years old, I had to do a science project, but my dad just did it for me. I didn't contribute at all. I think the teacher kind of figured it out when the project was called, 'Is My Wife Cheating on Me?'