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My friend goes to me, 'I can't picture you on safari, Col.' What does that mean? I don't seem athletic enough to sit in the back of a jeep and look at a f**king zebra?
People call us lazy, that's what gets to me. We're not lazy, folks. We've only been in this country for 300 years. We built nuclear weapons plants, malls, factories. We're not lazy -- we're done.
We had a couple gay priests growing up, I'm not going to lie. There was always the one you had to watch out for. We had this one guy, he helped me pick out my confirmation name. Then, I find out years later, there's no saint named Miss Saigon.
You go to safari, you're going to find out the lion is a joke... They're big over here; in Africa, the other animals laugh at them. They're like idiots with mullets.
A lot of people say, 'Hey, you should quit smoking 'cause it not only affects you, but it affects the people around you.' You should see the people around me, folks. I don't think you'd be that interested whether they lived or not.
Violence begins at home, starts at home. Your father gets yelled at at work. He's mad at his boss. So, he comes home and yells at your mother. She's mad at him, so she smacks you. You're mad at her, so you kick the family dog. The family dog is...
Jokes Tagged:
news & politics (616),
family (349),
work/office (325),
violence (216),
Colin Quinn (7)
You can always tell who was raised in New York by how they take a compliment when they're an adult. 'Nice haircut.' 'Screw you. What's wrong with it?'
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