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I have to explain to this guy that Jack Daniel's has an apostrophe in it, and one guy honestly said, 'You mean he followed Jesus?' 'Yeah, sir, he was one of the 12 apostrophes.' Like an apostrophe would ever follow Jesus! They have to give up all...
I can't wait until they could put wings on humans. Because when they could put wings on humans, they could put wings on pigs, and when they could put wings on pigs, lots of pretty girls from college owe me sex.
If life expectancy is 75 and you kill a 74-year-old, you only have to spend one year in prison. If life expectancy is 75 and you kill an 80-year-old, five years credit.
Her friends are a**holes. They always try to belittle me because they all have PhD's and I didn't finish college. Like, one night, we're all out getting dinner, and this one guy's like, 'So, Chad, have you ever had Indian food?' I was like, 'Hello? Thanksgiving.'
One day, she was at our house holding our wedding picture. She goes, 'I don't know why she married you.' I was like, 'I do. See the ring bearer? That's our son.'
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