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A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. You think when Jesus comes back he's gonna want to see a cross? That's kinda like going up to Jackie Kennedy Onassis with a rifle pendant on.
L.A. is a very confusing place, only place I know where you can have, simultaneously, a drought and a flood. Every time you watch the weatherman, he goes, 'Rained all day, didn't help the drought. Back to you, Tom.' I got news for you, folks. If water doesn't solve your drought, you're screwed.
Watch 'Headline News' for an hour. It's the most depressing thing you'll ever do: war, famine, death, AIDS, homeless, depression, recession, drought, flood, pit bull, war, famine, death, AIDS. Then you look out your window, and it's like, where's...
Geraldo gets plastic surgery done on the air in the name of journalism. I can't wait 'til he tries that Kevorkian suicide machine.
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