Most Popular Tags Today
Featured Comedians
1-20 of 677 Results
Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing who's to blame for a missed deadline or a failed project.
Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean...
Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean...
Jokes Tagged:
work/office (335)
Q: How do you know when it's going to be a good day at work?
A: When you see your boss' picture on the side of the milk carton.
A: When you see your boss' picture on the side of the milk carton.
Jokes Tagged:
work/office (335)
A lot of magicians, they're down on me 'cause I don't really -- well, I don't think I know real magic. But if you knew the hours I spent just thinking about practicing....
I'm afraid that fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting around time.
The guy came up to me, my manager, the first day and said, 'I want you to go to all the tables, scrape the gum off with a butter knife.' And I was thinking, 'I'm not doing that. I'm definitely not doing it.' But I thought, why just say, 'No! The...
Stand-up comedy -- I love this job, and I gotta tell you, folks -- knock wood -- it's been working. 'Cause I was one of those kind of people, even when I had a regular job, I couldn't even call in sick right. You know, I was like, 'Hello? Yeah, I can't come in today. I have scurvy.'
You ever just stop going to a job? You don't even quit; you just stop showing up one day. I've done that a lot. I'm probably still on a couple of schedules.
Here's an example of something you never say at a job interview: 'Can I have my resume back? It's my only copy.'
I was having a conversation with someone the other day, and they said, 'Well, you know how we overachievers are.' No, I don't.
I'm not a good eight-hour worker because I don't think you should have to be around people that long that you don't know. That's not a good thing. You be like, 'I don't know these people. Why am I here this long? I don't think it takes eight hours to do nothing. We should not be around each other this long.'
I knew some people who lost their jobs after 30 years of work. They went in their cubicle, and they had a note that said, 'Get yo' ass out.' And they're like, 'Get yo' ass out -- what is this? What am I supposed to do?' 'Uh, you supposed to get...
My friends from L.A. stop me and say, 'Maria, you already do so much. You make people laugh; it's the greatest gift in the world.' I only do that, like, four minutes a day, if it's going well. Maybe in the off-time, I could sponge bathe the dying or just hose things off a little bit.
My supervisor -- let's call him Greenbean -- said that there were certain bigwigs who you should never put on hold, certain VIPs who you should never put on hold, and I could never remember who those people were. So, I put everyone on hold and I...
I don't really do, like, a big exploding joke at the end 'cause this is a job and I treat it just like you treat your job. Whatever it is you do for eight hours a day, right before you clock out, you don't start doing yours extra good, do you?
I'm not like other comedians. I want you to know that right now. I start out slow -- and then get fired.
I worked at Zany's Comedy Club in Nashville, and I wasn't getting a lot of laughs. People weren't laughing, so after one show, the club owner said, 'Mitch, you're not getting any laughs. You're gonna have to vacuum the club.' He made me vacuum....
If I ever have to get another job, and I know I have to get fired that day, that day I'm going to go to work with a pocketful of glitter. And when my boss fires me, I'm going to be like, 'Oh, I'm sorry it didn't work out. Glitter?' And I'm going...
It's been a couple of years since I actually worked in an office, so I thought I should do something to prepare to get back into the typing, filing and phone answering, and what not. So what I did was I had a friend of mine go with me down to the...
You know what's cool about the day job? Me either.
I used to get up and go to work; I just don't like supervisors. Supervisors are always asking you stupid questions: 'Why you always late for work?' I'm like, ''Cause it make the day go faster. The later I get here, the quicker this end.'
