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Q: How do you know when it's going to be a good day at work?
A: When you see your boss' picture on the side of the milk carton.
A: When you see your boss' picture on the side of the milk carton.
Jokes Tagged:
work/office (325)
Blamestorming: Sitting around in a group discussing who's to blame for a missed deadline or a failed project.
Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean...
Chainsaw Consultant: An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean...
Jokes Tagged:
work/office (325)
-- In prison, you spend the majority of your time in an 8' X 10' cell. At work, you spend most of your time in a 6' X 8' cubicle.
-- In prison, you get three meals a day. At work, you get 30 minutes for a meal you buy or bring...
-- In prison, you get three meals a day. At work, you get 30 minutes for a meal you buy or bring...
Jokes Tagged:
work/office (325)
- Stephen's Sound Advice - Summer Jobs(4:04)
- Interns learn valuable job skills like getting coffee, fetching copy paper, and moisturizing a TV host.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: work/office (388), Stephen's Sound Advice (21)
You ever just stop going to a job? You don't even quit; you just stop showing up one day. I've done that a lot. I'm probably still on a couple of schedules.
Here's an example of something you never say at a job interview: 'Can I have my resume back? It's my only copy.'
I was having a conversation with someone the other day, and they said, 'Well, you know how we overachievers are.' No, I don't.
I'm not a good eight-hour worker because I don't think you should have to be around people that long that you don't know. That's not a good thing. You be like, 'I don't know these people. Why am I here this long? I don't think it takes eight hours to do nothing. We should not be around each other this long.'
I knew some people who lost their jobs after 30 years of work. They went in their cubicle, and they had a note that said, 'Get yo' ass out.' And they're like, 'Get yo' ass out -- what is this? What am I supposed to do?' 'Uh, you supposed to get...
My friends from L.A. stop me and say, 'Maria, you already do so much. You make people laugh; it's the greatest gift in the world.' I only do that, like, four minutes a day, if it's going well. Maybe in the off-time, I could sponge bathe the dying or just hose things off a little bit.
My supervisor -- let's call him Greenbean -- said that there were certain bigwigs who you should never put on hold, certain VIPs who you should never put on hold, and I could never remember who those people were. So, I put everyone on hold and I...
I wasn't always a comic. Before I did this, I was a house painter for five years. Five years -- I didn't think I'd ever finish that house.
I'll never forget the time they gave me a farewell party at work. I was so surprised -- I didn't even know I was fired.
I have been doing a lot of benefits this year. As a matter of fact, last night I did a benefit for the survivors of a benefit I had done the week before.
There's something actionable in your pants.
Want to take a look at my benefit package?
Let's discuss my raise in your corner office.
