Tonight: Who's responsible for losing the Iraq war (even though we're winning), the ethics of buying diamonds, and a drug advocate who knows the date of the end of the world.
We had to practice what to do in case the Communists dropped the bomb on us. Like that would be the first place they'd bomb -- a Catholic grade school.
My cousins were all bigger than me, so they would take the army guys in the cool positions. So, the only dude I had left was the dude on the phone. So really, my army just looked like 10 gay guys waiting on their lattes at Starbucks.