How come you can play guitar and harmonica at the same time, like, you know, Bob Dylan or Neil Young? You're a genius. Make that extra effort to strap some cymbals to your knees, and people will cross the street to get the hell away from you.
I love whenever they downgrade a hurricane to a tropical depression, because I always think of a tropical depression as how I feel three songs into a Jimmy Buffett concert.
There was a time when Americans took the month of October to celebrate the values of classic rock: pounding beats, grinding guitars and single-syllable lyrics about boobs.