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- Moment of Zen - Marriage(0:14)
- A bride does not have to pledge obedience to her husband anymore.
- On comedycentral.com
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Marriage is an institution. You know, it's a commitment. And you don't get to leave an institution, especially once you're committed.
Sometimes I worry I don't want to get married as much as I'd like to be dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough.
Marriage is like having cable with just one channel: same thing come on everyday. You see other things come on, but you can't watch it.
Marriage? Sure. Dabbled in it a little during the late 80s. Wild stuff, brother, wild stuff.
You like Mr. Pibb? You get to drink all the Mr. Pibb you want! But you wake up 10 years from now and think, 'Well, I think I'd like something hot to drink.' Well, you better heat up some Mr. Pibb!
People say, 'How do you stay married?' And I say, 'Well, just keep going home 'cause the day you don't go home, it's pretty much over.'
You ever have a day where you're forced to be around someone you just don't like? You start to realize that they don't like you either, and suddenly you say to yourself, 'Why did I marry this person?'
Last night, my wife and I celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary. You know what five years is? Just long enough for me to think this one might not work out.
My wife and I just separated not too long ago. Actually, it's a trial separation, which, as you well know, it turns out to be the separation before the trial.
A couple celebrates their 30th anniversary by re-walking their first walk together. They come to the fence against which they first made love.
The husband says, "Come on, for old time's sake." The wife agrees and they both...
The husband says, "Come on, for old time's sake." The wife agrees and they both...
A man would come home very late and very drunk every night. His wife decides to teach him a lesson by dressing up like Satan and scaring him.
When he finally stumbles across the lawn, his wife jumps out and howls like a demon.
He...
When he finally stumbles across the lawn, his wife jumps out and howls like a demon.
He...
A man walks into his bedroom after work and is surprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed. After careful examination, he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains.
He rips open the blinds to find a naked man...
He rips open the blinds to find a naked man...
Walking down the street, a man hears a voice: "Stop! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down and kill you."
The man stopped; a big brick fell in front of him. The astonished man continued walking to the cross walk.
The...
The man stopped; a big brick fell in front of him. The astonished man continued walking to the cross walk.
The...
A housewife buys a parrot to keep her company during the day.
The clerk warns that the parrot was donated by a brothel, where he may have picked up some colorful language.
The housewife doesn't mind and brings the parrot home. When...
The clerk warns that the parrot was donated by a brothel, where he may have picked up some colorful language.
The housewife doesn't mind and brings the parrot home. When...
A wife goes on a retreat for work. When she returns, she finds a pair of panties in her dresser that do not belong to her.
Furious, she questions her husband. The husband says, "I have no idea where they came from -- I don't do the...
Furious, she questions her husband. The husband says, "I have no idea where they came from -- I don't do the...
Three guys talk in a bar. Two discuss how they are king in their castles and how much their wives respect them. The third guy remains quiet.
Finally, one guy turns to the quiet guy and asks, "What about you? do you rule your...
Finally, one guy turns to the quiet guy and asks, "What about you? do you rule your...
