You like Mr. Pibb? You get to drink all the Mr. Pibb you want! But you wake up 10 years from now and think, 'Well, I think I'd like something hot to drink.' Well, you better heat up some Mr. Pibb!
You ever have a day where you're forced to be around someone you just don't like? You start to realize that they don't like you either, and suddenly you say to yourself, 'Why did I marry this person?'
Last night, my wife and I celebrated our fifth wedding anniversary. You know what five years is? Just long enough for me to think this one might not work out.
My wife and I just separated not too long ago. Actually, it's a trial separation, which, as you well know, it turns out to be the separation before the trial.
A man walks into his bedroom after work and is surprised to find his wife lying naked on the bed. After careful examination, he spies a pair of bare feet sticking out from underneath the curtains.