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Q: Why did God create women?
A: He took one look at men and said, "I know I can do better than this."
A: He took one look at men and said, "I know I can do better than this."
Jokes Tagged:
laws (214)
Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car that said: "TWO PROSTITUTES -- $50.00."
A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just then, another car passed...
A policeman stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.
Just then, another car passed...
A motorist gets caught in an automated speed trap that photographs his car.
He later receives a ticket in the mail for $40 with a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sends the police department a photograph of $40.
A few...
He later receives a ticket in the mail for $40 with a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sends the police department a photograph of $40.
A few...
I saw the judge actually sentence somebody to 140 years. This guy jumped up, told the judge, 'Man, I can't do 140 years!' The judge said, 'Do what you can.'
I think if you go to jail for something you didn't do, you should get credit towards another crime.
A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.
The man responds,...
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.
The man responds,...
Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.
I'd always believed that old saying that the first 15 minutes in jail were the toughest, until I experienced the five minutes after that.
They had me empty out my pockets. They took my wallet, my keys, my shoelaces -- everything, except my pride -- that and my fears and my hopes and dreams and my love of origami and my ability to create the illusion of walking against the wind.
To pass the time, I gave nicknames to everything in my cell. The sink I called 'toilet' and the toilet, 'sink,' and the floor was 'Old Floory.'
Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.
The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others...
The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others...
You know where they do send your taxes? They give it to prisons, so prisoners can have weights to lift. You believe that? We've got muggers and murderers, and they're getting stronger. So when they get parole, they can mug your ass better than they did before they went in.
- Don't Fear the Reefer(1:07)
- American officials fear Canada's new tolerance will lead to more smuggling and organized crime.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: Canada (202), marijuana (190), laws (172)
- Falling into the Gap(1:11)
- Jon discusses some tough questions raised to him before the show.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: laws (172), Half Baked (12), drug (5)
- Tony Daro - Bike Cops(1:58)
- Tony Daro
- What do bike cops use for protection during a shoot out?
- Videos Tagged: Two Drink Minimum (293), laws (172), police business (105), Tony Daro (2)
- Lawrence Lessig(06:10)
- Lawrence Lessig says the outdated copyright laws have turned our kids into criminals.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: interview (2828), books (748), laws (172), Lawrence Lessig (3)
- Finally an AK47(:36)
- Jon is elated to finally be able to complete his AK assault rifle collection.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: laws (172), guns (128), weapons (127)
- Weapons Ban Ends(3:50)
- It's hard to pick the best thing that's happened in the war on terror, but the lifting of the assault weapons ban is definitely up there.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: Stephen Colbert (945), laws (172), weapons (127)
- Zach Galifianakis - Family Dispute(2:02)
- Zach Galifianakis
- Seth describes a dispute in Zach's family involving Tide with bleach.
- Videos Tagged: family (667), drugs (639), laws (172), Zach Galifianakis (16)
- Letter to the Judge(1:10)
- If you do go to prison, punch somebody in the face the minute you get there -- that way all the other inmates will think you're loco.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: crime (415), laws (172), Jack Abramoff (29)
