It's weird when you're a mix. People just want to play detective with your face. Nine times out of 10, they're polite: 'Where are you from?' I'm like, 'Pittsburgh.' They're like, 'Pittsburgh, right. Seriously though, where are you from?'...
With black people, when something happens, we don't wait to see what's going on. We don't want to conversate with you. If you want to talk to us, talk to us while we runnin'.
An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman walk into a pub, and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and land in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away...
I know exactly how every single Asian in the audience felt because you looked at me like, 'Oh God, please be funny. Please be funny.' Before it was just comedy, now I'm doing it for the nation. It's political. Now I do a punch line, I'm like, 'Yeah, take that, whitey! Ha!'
If you're Filipino, you're the beaner of the Asian community 'cause you're just like us. You're indigenous people that got banged by some Spaniards. That's why you have names like Kwan Ping Del Toro.
No, Freddy, we're all just people.' Really? I hope you get mugged. Then we'll see how sensitive you are. 'Who mugged you?' 'Oh, it was a person.' 'What'd he look like?' 'Just people, really.'