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ethnic (409)
Why is the Klan still having meetings? Is there any new business with the Ku Klux Klan? 'Well, we do hate everybody, right? OK, see you next week.'
Between him and Giuliani, I don't wanna be Italian anymore.
I wish I was ethnic; I'm nothing. 'Cause if you're Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, 'He's got a Latin temper.' But if you're a white guy and you get angry, people are like, 'That guy's a jerk.'
Being the third generation, I feel all-American, you know? I feel like baseball and apple pie, but I realize I look like nachos and cockfighting.
I was born in Honduras, that's where I was born. I live in California, where no matter what you say, you're Mexican. You understand that? It doesn't matter what you say. See -- you don't understand that, white people, because wherever you go,...
No, Freddy, we're all just people.' Really? I hope you get mugged. Then we'll see how sensitive you are. 'Who mugged you?' 'Oh, it was a person.' 'What'd he look like?' 'Just people, really.'
Talk to each other, that's how you do it. We talk to each other, and we ask each other questions. They might be awkward questions, but that's how you get the ball rolling. Like, you can say, 'Hey white man, how come you're so tense and afraid?'...
With black people, when something happens, we don't wait to see what's going on. We don't want to conversate with you. If you want to talk to us, talk to us while we runnin'.
As long as you can still scare white people, you're not a sellout.
It's weird when you're a mix. People just want to play detective with your face. Nine times out of 10, they're polite: 'Where are you from?' I'm like, 'Pittsburgh.' They're like, 'Pittsburgh, right. Seriously though, where are you from?'...
I didn't know you could name a Puerto Rican 'Israel' 'cause I'm pretty sure you'll never meet a Jew named 'Puerto Rico.'
I walked on stage as I heard them say, 'Please welcome Mike Bahooski!', and I was so mad. In my head, I was like, 'You didn't even try! You just said "B" and then whatever you could think of, and you made me Polish. That's a really specific choice.'
I don't tell people I'm white anymore -- I'm albino-Cambodian.
I had one boss who used to say to me, 'I don't see color. I don't care if you're white, black or purple.' Purple? Really? You don't care if someone's purple? 'Cause that's gonna set off some alarm bells for me.
I'm not your typical black comedian. I don't do a lot of jokes about white people. I'd like to, but I was born in Denver, Colorado.
If you're Filipino, you're the beaner of the Asian community 'cause you're just like us. You're indigenous people that got banged by some Spaniards. That's why you have names like Kwan Ping Del Toro.
I'm a big, black, thug, mean-looking dude. It's messed up my whole life. I can't do normal stuff, like I can't ride in an elevator with, like, a little white lady. I make any sudden movements, she goes screaming and pressing the red button, like,...
I know exactly how every single Asian in the audience felt because you looked at me like, 'Oh God, please be funny. Please be funny.' Before it was just comedy, now I'm doing it for the nation. It's political. Now I do a punch line, I'm like, 'Yeah, take that, whitey! Ha!'
