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The inmate on death row is scheduled to be put to death by firing squad. He doesn't request a last meal or anything special for his last day.
As he stands before the firing squad he says, "Actually, music is my life. One thing I would...
As he stands before the firing squad he says, "Actually, music is my life. One thing I would...
Jokes Tagged:
death (167)
There was a bear taking a dump in the forest when a rabbit walked by. The bear said, "Hey, rabbit, does poo stick to your fur?"
"No," said the rabbit.
"That's great!" The bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his butt with him.
"No," said the rabbit.
"That's great!" The bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his butt with him.
Jokes Tagged:
death (167)
Three friends die in a car accident and attend an orientation in Heaven. An angel asks, "When you are in your casket and your friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first guy says, "I would...
The first guy says, "I would...
Jokes Tagged:
death (167)
Jokes Tagged:
death (167)
There once was a boy named "Odd."
People made fun of him because of his name, so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.
Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, "That's odd."
People made fun of him because of his name, so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.
Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, "That's odd."
Jokes Tagged:
death (167)
-- I'm not convinced. I'm going to go give her a good shaking?
-- I'm sure we'll all be laughing about this in no time!
-- It's funny -- we all thought you'd be the first to go, Grandpa.
-- You know, your husband never paid back that $50 he owed
-- I'm sure we'll all be laughing about this in no time!
-- It's funny -- we all thought you'd be the first to go, Grandpa.
-- You know, your husband never paid back that $50 he owed
Jokes Tagged:
death (167)
It's supposed to be an honor to be a pallbearer. I've never been carrying a casket, thinking, 'This is an honor.' I'm thinking, 'This is heavy. Are you guys even lifting back there? It's like dead weight on my end.'
Tony and his friend John die in a car accident and go to judgment. God tells Tony that because he cheated on his income taxes, the only way he can enter Heaven is to sleep with a stupid, ugly woman for the next five years.
A few days later,...
A few days later,...
Hey babe, rigor mortis has set in, if you know what I mean...
Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Oh no, it was probably when I ate your brain.
We're the perfect match--you're drop-dead gorgeous, and I recently dropped dead.
After his annual checkup, Bob learns that he has a rare disease and 12 hours to live. His wife tearfully says, "Honey, I'm going to give you a night you'll never forget."
They make passionate love with an ardor they haven't felt in years....
They make passionate love with an ardor they haven't felt in years....
What time do you have to be back in Heaven? Because I have to be back in my grave in about six hours.
I'm not actually this tall. I'm sitting on my wallet--and the dead bodies of people whose brains I've eaten.
I've got the biggest, hardest slab in the cemetery!
Why don't we just go back to my place and rot?
A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.
Not wanting to make...
Not wanting to make...
One fine day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other.
The deaf policeman heard the noise, and came and shot those two dead boys.
If...
Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other.
The deaf policeman heard the noise, and came and shot those two dead boys.
If...
Bill Gates goes to purgatory.
St. Peter says, "Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go".
First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with...
St. Peter says, "Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go".
First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with...
