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Here's another one: 'Needless to say.' 'Needless to say, we had a terrific time tonight.' Needless to say? Then don't say it. 'Well, it goes without saying.' Then shut up.
Some authors write in first person and others write in third person. But I'm writing my book in fifth person, so every sentence starts out with: 'I heard from this guy who told somebody....'
I think graffiti is the most passionate literature there is. It's always like, 'Bush sucks. U2 Rules.' I wanna make indifferent graffiti. 'Toy Story 2 was OK.' 'I like Gina as a friend, but I'm not sure about taking things further.' 'This is a bridge.'
- Intro - 4/4/06(0:26)
- Tonight: America loses another place to hide bodies, a report that will permanently raise your eyebrows and Stephen finds out what Jesse Jackson's up to now that racism is over.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: health (976), intro (572), culture (165), Jesse Jackson (31)
- Bar Mitzvah(1:41)
- Jon was unaware of the recent infusion of Spanish culture into Bar Mitzvahs.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: religion (776), Jewish (241), culture (165), bar mitzvah (5)
- Fract - Frnap: The Freedom Snap(0:08)
- Stephen introduces the Freedom Snap: the Frnap -- which shouts an insult at your country.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: international affairs (216), culture (165), Fract (32)
- Zodiac Buzz Killer(3:42)
- Stacey Grenrock-Woods explains that due to thousands of years of space recklessly expanding, astrology may be gravely flawed.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: culture (165), Stacey Grenrock-Woods (61), astrology (4), horoscope (3)
- Intro - 10/29/07(3:35)
- The McCain campaign gets a technological boost, absinthe is in again, and guest Richard Berman opposes PETA and MADD.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: intro (572), John McCain (489), culture (165), Richard Berman (2)
- Chris Jordan(6:07)
- Artist Chris Jordan takes pictures of people's garbage to show all the things people consume and discard.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: interview (2828), culture (165), Expert (128), Chris Jordan (2)
- Reunion Shows(1:31)
- These reunion shows could be fulfilling a great inner need we have as viewers to reunite with our historical selves, or they could be likened unto the whore of Babylon.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: Stephen Colbert (945), culture (165), television (120), reunion shows (5)
- Other News - To Screech His Own(1:17)
- Scientists propose that chimpanzees have culture, allowing Dunston to finally check in without a big production being made.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: Other News (277), culture (165), monkeys! (65)
- Oprah and Friends(1:34)
- Stephen is inspired because he spent the whole day listening to Oprah and Friends on XM Radio.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: media (651), culture (165), Oprah Winfrey (76)
- Craziest F#?king Thing I've Ever Heard - Gas Prices(1:08)
- A guy pulls a truck with his ear just to save some money on gas.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: money (865), culture (165), Craziest F#?King Thing I've Ever Heard (11)
- Paul F. Tompkins - Jazz is Lousy(2:35)
- Paul F. Tompkins
- The only purpose jazz serves is making people feel stupid.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), music (727), culture (165), Paul F. Tompkins (22)
I'm not politically correct. I still say 'black,' I do. Because 'African American' -- there's no bonus; it's not going to make your life any easier. You don't see black people standing around going, 'Woo yeah, African American. Man, I tell you,...
Some black people want to get in touch with their African roots -- that's what they want to do, try and find their African roots. But then you got some black people that just don't give a damn. You tell them, 'Hey, I just got back from the mother...
So I stayed in a hotel in Calcutta. The oldest hotel in India, it's three hundred years old. ...So I get to my room. And I can't get to sleep now, 'cause I'm a bitch. The guy just told me the hotel is haunted! I'm scared. 'Cause I started doing...
A joke is either funny or it's not funny. If I hear a funny joke, you know what I do? I laugh, that's what I do. I don't start a focus group to see who got hurt by the joke.
So, I get 'The Book of Questions,' and I think it's a trivia book... I open it up: 'Would you give up the use of your limbs and the ability to urinate so the people of Chad could eat for a year?' Who gave me this? What is this? So then, I look in...
