Everything tagged with 'animals' | Jokes.com | Comedy Central

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A man calls Animal Control to get a crazed gorilla off his roof. A van pulls up and an old man gets out, carrying a small dog, a baseball bat and a gun. He hands the man the gun.

"OK, here's what we do. I'm going to go up onto your roof and...
animals
Jokes Tagged: animals (947) 
A bus driver on his route sees a van from the zoo stranded on the side of the road. The zoo worker offers the bus driver $100 to help him deliver two dozen penguins. The bus driver agrees and loads the penguins on the bus.

An hour later,...
animals
Jokes Tagged: animals (947) 
What do you call a poodle with no legs?

A sponge.

animals
Jokes Tagged: animals (947) 
Q: If your donkey bites my rooster's feet off, what do we have?

A: Two feet of my cock in your ass.
animals
Jokes Tagged: animals (947) 
Q: Why did the ant fall off the toilet bowl?

A: He got pissed off.

animals
Jokes Tagged: animals (947) 
Why did the dog cross the road?

He saw some dog food.

animals
Jokes Tagged: animals (947) 
Why did the raccoon cross the road?

He didn't, he got hit by a car.

animals
Jokes Tagged: animals (947) 
Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
animals
Jokes Tagged: animals (947) 
Q: What do you get when you cross a giraffe with a hedghog?
A: A six-foot toothbrush.
animals
Jokes Tagged: animals (947) 
A black cow was standing in the middle of the road. A man was hauling ass around a corner with no headlights on, no dome light, no lights on at all. He slams on the brakes at just the right time to miss the cow. How did the guy see the cow?

It was daytime
animals
Jokes Tagged: animals (947) 
Q: What do you call an illegally parked frog?

A: Toad.
animals
Jokes Tagged: animals (947) 
Q: What do you get when you cross a dog with an elephant?

A: A very nervous postman.
animals
Jokes Tagged: animals (947) 
Q: What do you get when you cross an octopus with a cow?

A: An animal that can milk itself.
animals
Jokes Tagged: animals (947) 
Q: How did the bee hurt his back?

A: He fell off his honey.
animals
Jokes Tagged: animals (947) 
Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise,...
animals
Jokes Tagged: animals (947) 
A guy walks into a store for some last-minute Christmas shopping, and sees a parrot for sale. He asks the clerk what the parrot's name is and the clerk tells him it's Chet. He also tells the man that this is one amazing parrot. If you put a match...
animals
Jokes Tagged: animals (947) 
A squirrel is chillin' in a tree when a cow climbs up and sits next to him.
"Whatcha doin' here?" asks the squirrel.
"I'm here to eat some apples."
"But this is a pine tree!"
"I know. I brought my own apples."
animals
Jokes Tagged: animals (947) 
Q: What did the doe say when she came running out of the woods?

A: I'll never do that for two bucks again.

animals
Jokes Tagged: animals (947) 
Q: What do you call a cow with two legs?

A: Lean beef.
animals
Jokes Tagged: animals (947) 
What time is it when 20 dogs and one cat get together?

20 after one.

animals
Jokes Tagged: animals (947)