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There was a young man from Calcutta
Who spent his life in the gutta
Till the tropical heat
Got the best of his meat,
And turned his cream to butta.
Who spent his life in the gutta
Till the tropical heat
Got the best of his meat,
And turned his cream to butta.
What is long, hard, and stiff, is used inside a warm, wet place, and gets moved back and forth for the best effect?
A toothbrush.
A toothbrush.
There was an old couple who hadn't celebrated Halloween in a long time, so they decided to dress up and go out. The old woman went in her bedroom, stripped naked, and tied a string between her legs with a lemon at the end of the string. When she...
"Jane" was becoming frustrated with her husband's insistence that they have sex in the dark. Hoping to free her husband from his inhibitions, during a passionate evening, she flipped on the lamp -- only to discover a cucumber in his hand. Is THIS...
Clyde died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body.
So his two best friends, Clem and Zeke, were sent for. Clem went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Clem said "Yup, he's...
So his two best friends, Clem and Zeke, were sent for. Clem went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet.
Clem said "Yup, he's...
The better part of you must have rolled down your daddy's leg.
Q: How do you know who gives good blow jobs?
A: Word of mouth.
Q: How do you make your wife scream during an orgasm?
A: Wipe your dick on the curtains.
A: Wipe your dick on the curtains.
A woman was engaged to get married. She had never had any sexual experience whatsoever. So she asked a couple of her friends what she could do to her husband on their wedding night to really impress him.
One of her friends suggested that...
One of her friends suggested that...
"What does your husband look like when you're giving a blowjob?"
"Outraged, but the next-door neighbor seemed to enjoy it."
A man was selling his brand-new luxury car for ten dollars. A woman answered the ad, but she was slightly disbelieving.
''Ten bucks?!? What's the gimmick?'' she inquired.
''No gimmick,'' the man answered. ''My wife died, and in her...
Q: What is the only instrument the Backstreet Boys are good at playing?
A: The male organ.
An old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks once more for old time's sake. He hires a prostitute and takes her up to the room. He's going at it as best as he can for a guy his age and asks, "How am I doing?"
The...
A husband and wife were having some problems in bed, so the wife decides to got to a sex shop and buy some of those crotchless panties. She got up on the bed with nothing else on when her husband came home.
"Hey, honey," she said. "Don't...
Two southern ladies are sitting at the country club by the pool. The first southern lady says, "When I had my first child, my husband bought me a diamond ring." The second lady says, "Well, isn't that nice."
The first lady says, "When my...
What's the best part of a blowjob?
Ten minutes of silence!
There was a vampire who sucked people's blood for many centuries. God was very angry at the vampire and said to him, "You're going to hell!"
The vampire fell to his knees and said, "God, I beg of you, give me one more chance to be good."...
What is the best thing about getting head from Barbara Streisand?
Ten minutes of silence.
A woman was in bed having sex with her husband's friend, when all of a sudden the telephone rings, she answers. After hanging up she says, ''That was Harry, but don't worry, he won't be home for a while. He's playing cards with you.''
What's the difference between a blonde and a corvette?
You don't lend the corvette out to your friends.
