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A string walks into a bar with a few friends and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve strings here."
The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back...
The string goes back to his table. He ties himself in a loop and messes up the top of his hair. He walks back...
Jokes Tagged:
Walks Into a Bar (39)
A guy walks into a bar looking frustrated. The bartender asks, "What's the matter?"
The guy replies, "Well I've got these two horses and I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right...
The guy replies, "Well I've got these two horses and I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right...
A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing-eye dog. He stands in the center of the bar, takes the dog by the chain, and starts swinging him above his head.
Everyone stops and stares. Upset about the way the animal is being treated, a...
Everyone stops and stares. Upset about the way the animal is being treated, a...
A Native American walks into a bar with a cat, a bag of sh*t and a shotgun. He asks for a bottle of whiskey and immediately downs it. He throws the bag of sh*t up in the air, shoots it with his shotgun, and takes a big bite of the cat's...
A guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he'll give him a free beer for an amazing trick. The bartender agrees. The guy pulls out a hamster that begins dancing and singing.
"That is amazing!" says the bartender and gives him a...
"That is amazing!" says the bartender and gives him a...
A dog walks into a bar and hops up on a stool. He looks the bartender in the eye and says, "Hey, guess what? I can talk. Have you ever seen a talking dog before? How about a drink?"
The bartender thinks for a moment and says, "Sure, the toilet's right around the corner."
The bartender thinks for a moment and says, "Sure, the toilet's right around the corner."
A nose walks into a bar and asks for a drink.
The bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you. You're already off your face."
The bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you. You're already off your face."
A huge guy walks into a bar, approaches a little guy and karate chops him in the back. When the little guy gets up, the huge guy says, "That was a karate chop from Korea."
A little later, the huge guy walks back over to the little guy and...
A little later, the huge guy walks back over to the little guy and...
A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"
The bartender, confused, tells the duck no. The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Got any grapes?"
Again, the bartender tells him, "No --...
The bartender, confused, tells the duck no. The duck thanks him and leaves.
The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Got any grapes?"
Again, the bartender tells him, "No --...
Bob and Jim walk into a bar. Bob says, "Hey Donkeyboy, get me a drink." The bartender gets him a drink.
Bob says, "Donkeyboy, get me another drink." The bartender gets him another drink.
Finally, Jim asks the bartender, "Why does he...
Bob says, "Donkeyboy, get me another drink." The bartender gets him another drink.
Finally, Jim asks the bartender, "Why does he...
An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.
"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"
The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the...
"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"
The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the...
Two men walk into a bar, one wearing a cowboy hat and the other wearing a Yankees cap. The guy in the Yankees cap approaches the bartender and make a bet: "I'll bet you $1,000 that I can put a shot glass at one end of your bar and piss into it...
A man walks into a bar with a cheese sandwich under his arm. "A pint of Guinness for me and the cheese sandwich," he says to the barman.
"I'm sorry, sir," replies the barman, "we don't serve food in here."
"I'm sorry, sir," replies the barman, "we don't serve food in here."
A man walks into a bar with a pork pie on his head. The barman asks, "Why are you wearing a pork pie on your head?"
The man replies, "It's a family tradition. We always wear pork pies on our heads on Tuesday."
The barman remarks,...
The man replies, "It's a family tradition. We always wear pork pies on our heads on Tuesday."
The barman remarks,...
A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't give beer to bears in bars."
The bear replies, "If you don't give me a beer, I'll eat that lady over there."
The bartender says, "Go...
The bear replies, "If you don't give me a beer, I'll eat that lady over there."
The bartender says, "Go...
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar. Then the monkey jumps on to the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.
The...
The...
A young guy walks into a bar. An old drunk sits with a shoe box on the stool next to him.
The guy asks, "What's in the box?"
The older guy says matter-of-factly, "A South American Blow Job Toad."
The young guy looks around....
The guy asks, "What's in the box?"
The older guy says matter-of-factly, "A South American Blow Job Toad."
The young guy looks around....
A guy walks into a bar, orders 12 shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.
The bartender asks, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy says, "You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had."
The...
The bartender asks, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy says, "You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had."
The...
A guy walks into a bar and orders six shooters. The bartender says, "Looks like you are having a bad day."
The guy says, "Am I ever! I woke up late for work. On my way to work, I got in an accident. When I got to work, I was four hours...
The guy says, "Am I ever! I woke up late for work. On my way to work, I got in an accident. When I got to work, I was four hours...
A drunk walks into a bar, orders a shot and and immediately pukes all over his own shirt. "Wha' my gonna do now? My wifez gonna kill me."
"Relax," the bartender says, "give me a five-dollar bill." The bartender folds up the bill and puts it...
"Relax," the bartender says, "give me a five-dollar bill." The bartender folds up the bill and puts it...
