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- Tony Woods
- Tony Woods is a one-of-a-kind comic who's always in control of his audience. His playful and cool demeanor, combined with sharp and mischievous subject matter, create a show that is unmistakably entertaining at every level. Tony is an entertainer...Read on
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I usually start out my show -- I go, 'Hey, it's great to be here.' Nah, it ain't that good. It's OK for y'all 'cause you at a show. I'm at work. I mean, how many people show up on the job and go, 'Hey, it's great to be here'?
I was babysitting a couple of weeks ago -- OK, I wasn't babysitting. I was trying to sleep with this woman. She was babysitting, so that automatically made me her assistant. And, you know, of course you gotta put the kids to sleep. We tried...
I like the fairy tales. Some of them don't fit, though, like 'The Three Bears.' That's not cool because it wouldn't work with a different person in it besides Goldilocks... 'Cause Goldilocks, she breaks into these people's houses. I mean, she...
Raccoons have too much self-confidence. Look at the way they dress -- that is way too much for the forest: big fur jumpsuit, the black driving gloves, the striped tail, little sunglasses. Come on, raccoon, what you trying to prove, man?
Women seem to want to do that all the time. They'll look through your things. 'Hey, what are you looking for?' 'Do you have something to hide?' 'I'm gonna have a body to hide if you keep it up.'
I mean, I didn't go to Africa-Africa like you're thinking, but I smoked a joint and watched the Discovery Channel. It is the same thing. I was right there in the jungle.
We would go to midget parties four nights a week. OK, wait -- they weren't called 'midget parties' 'cause that's not politically correct. But c'mon, if you go to a party and there's, like, 200 midgets there -- in your mind, it's a midget party. So...
- Tony Woods - Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?(2:40)
- Tony Woods
- You never see a dead chicken on the side of the road.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), animals (791), imitations (772), death (318), driving (296), fashion (230), Tony Woods (6)
- Tony Woods - A Little Get Together(2:41)
- Tony Woods
- Tony dated a midget.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), men/women (1003), dating (656), New York City (602), partying (146), midgets (8), Tony Woods (6)
- Tony Woods - Bad Breath(3:41)
- Tony Woods
- Tony can't handle people with bad breath.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), men/women (1003), health (976), imitations (772), work/office (398), gross-out (89), dental (22), Tony Woods (6)
- Tony Woods - Little Red Riding Hood(4:25)
- Tony Woods
- The big bad wolf died with a dress on.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), sex (1283), kids (841), imitations (772), books (748), drugs (639), alcohol (496), storyteller (263), strippers (41), Tony Woods (6)
- Tony Woods - Monkey Love(4:13)
- Tony Woods
- A monkey at a club might get lucky with a girl.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), sex (1283), men/women (1003), kids (841), ethnic (814), animals (791), imitations (772), TV (543), alcohol (496), stereotypes (431), dogs (156), partying (146), monkeys! (65), pets (57), Discovery Channel (32), Tony Woods (6)
- Tony Woods - Africa(2:38)
- Tony Woods
- Anybody would be scared by eight naked pygmies.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), animals (791), imitations (772), music (727), drugs (639), TV (543), travel (310), marijuana (190), weapons (127), smoking (126), Africa (65), hunting (35), Discovery Channel (32), Tony Woods (6)
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