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- Sabrina Matthews
- Sabrina Matthews is an openly lesbian comic who relates the absurd in everyday life in a witty anecdotal style. Playland Magazine says, "She is instantly likeable and charms both gay and straight audiences". Her hilarious half-hour comedy...Read on
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Have you ever noticed that there are few things in the world, short of actual material success, that can make you feel as powerful as eating an entire pint of ice cream in one sitting? Isn't that the weirdest thing? You eat half of it: you're a pig. You eat it all: you're the victor!
I think it's really cool that there's a handicapped toy on the market, you know? Ironically, Becky's wheelchair does not fit through any of the doorways of any of Barbie's dream houses.
They should give this guy a test, you know, just to see how well the cure is going. Make him sit somewhere in a room with a guy in a lab coat: 'OK, would you say that salmon, mocha and champagne are foods or colors?'
They can get rid of page three, that's the water landing section. There is no useful information there. At the top, they show you how to use your seat-bottom cushion as a flotation device. I don't want to present myself as a genius, but if I am...
So, it's National Coming Out Day. I'm walking through Dallas/Fort Worth airport. I got my National Coming Out Day t-shirt on 'cause I'm proud -- got a sweatshirt on over that 'cause I'm smart.
I went to a gay gym -- I don't know if a building can actually be gay -- I went to a gym where a lot of gay people worked out. And they were real gym rats, too, you know? The guys were in there pressing 40 bajillion pounds; women are pressing twice that. I'm in there, I got like a broomstick and two bagels.
She says to me, 'When I go on road trips, I like to eat only at Denny's and analogues of Denny's.' Now, 'analogue,' if you don't know, means 'the same as.' I had no idea. In fact, I'm so unused to hearing the word 'analogue' that I thought she...
Isn't it ironic?' No, Alanis, it's unfortunate. You have listed sh*t for three and a half minutes, and everything you mentioned was unfortunate. Now that you have a billion dollars, perhaps you'd like to buy yourself a dictionary because irony is not a 'black fly in your chardonnay.'
I refuse to go to the bathroom on an airplane because if I'm gonna die in a cartwheeling ball of flames, it is not gonna be in a flying outhouse with my pants around my ankles.
I had friends in high school that used to do speed. Actually, they used to take diet pills, cheap speed, and they talked me into trying it one time. They're like, 'You won't want to eat anything.' Didn't have that affect on me at all -- I just ate really fast.
- Sabrina Matthews - Groceries(1:36)
- Sabrina Matthews
- Ice cream and tampons usually go together.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), food (804), drugs (639), observational (334), pop culture (293), shopping (197), Sabrina Matthews (9)
- Sabrina Matthews - Skirt(2:47)
- Sabrina Matthews
- Sabrina doesn't wear pantyhose because it makes her leg hair look funny.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), men/women (1003), work/office (398), friends (312), storyteller (263), fashion (230), self-deprecating (211), flying (181), Sabrina Matthews (9)
- Sabrina Matthews - Could Be the Drugs(1:56)
- Sabrina Matthews
- Using diet pills as speed can sometimes make you eat really, really fast.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), food (804), drugs (639), stereotypes (431), observational (334), friends (312), storyteller (263), Sabrina Matthews (9)
- Sabrina Matthews - Denny's(3:28)
- Sabrina Matthews
- Denny's: a place to eat for the tired or wasted.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), food (804), imitations (772), gay/homosexual (633), stereotypes (431), observational (334), friends (312), driving (296), Denny's (10), Sabrina Matthews (9)
- Sabrina Matthews - Lesbian Comedy(2:38)
- Sabrina Matthews
- "So, I was talking to my boyfriend today..." is a good example of a lesbian telling a straight joke.
- Videos Tagged: Premium Blend (750), gay/homosexual (633), crime (415), storyteller (263), police business (105), toys & games (69), Barbie (23), Sabrina Matthews (9)
- Sabrina Matthews - Fear of Flying(2:32)
- Sabrina Matthews
- On airplanes, it's 'ladies first' until the plane is about to go down in flames.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), men/women (1003), observational (334), travel (310), pop culture (293), flying (181), transportation (87), Sabrina Matthews (9)
- Sabrina Matthews - Working Out(3:13)
- Sabrina Matthews
- If you're going to rollerblade, it's important to learn how to brake.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), men/women (1003), health (976), food (804), gay/homosexual (633), sports (631), alcohol (496), audience interaction (303), self-deprecating (211), exercise (140), San Francisco (46), Sabrina Matthews (9)
- Sabrina Matthews - Fear of Flying(3:04)
- Sabrina Matthews
- Be careful at the Dallas/Fort Worth airport if you're celebrating National Coming Out Day.
- Videos Tagged: sex (1283), men/women (1003), animals (791), Premium Blend (750), gay/homosexual (633), parents (525), stereotypes (431), observational (334), travel (310), storyteller (263), flying (181), Sabrina Matthews (9)
- Sabrina Matthews - The Cure(4:27)
- Sabrina Matthews
- If brail is too big, blind people can't read it.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), men/women (1003), money (865), religion (776), music (727), gay/homosexual (633), TV (543), stereotypes (431), observational (334), pop culture (293), Jesus (270), self-deprecating (211), Sabrina Matthews (9), Alanis Morissette (5)
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