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- Richard Jeni
- Richard Jeni 1957 - 2007 Richard Jeni burst onto the national scene in 1990 with his first Showtime Special "Richard Jeni: The Boy From New York City." The show received three Cable ACE Awards (the awards for cable excellence)...Read on
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They had a sign up: the lobsters were flown in. How cruel is that? Think about that -- let's say you're a lobster, you've never been on an airplane before -- what else can you think, but you've won the lobster sweepstakes?
They're one of the only animals that have to put up with being alive in the restaurant. If you go to a steakhouse, folks -- no cow tank.
It's always the guy who gets the diarrhea on the commercial at an inconvenient moment. As if you've ever been in a situation: 'You know, this would be a great time to get the runs, you think? I mean the sun's out, we're on the ferris wheel -- what are we waiting for?'
Today, I bought a pastrami sandwich: $13.75. Walked back out in the street -- genuine Rolex watch: six bucks.
That's the key to a relationship: honesty. Yeah -- if you can fake that, you've got it made.
There is no romance without some lying. That's what romance is -- a little bit of Vaseline on the camera lens of life.
That's why you have to like a guy like Charles Manson. Say what you will about Manson -- he's one of the only people with the decency to look like a dangerous maniac the first time you meet him.
Hello! Welcome to "Cooking That Has Nothing To Do With Anyone's Actual Life." Today we're making a very complicated recipe, using ingredients you don't have, utensils you've never heard of, in a kitchen bigger than your whole bloody house!'
I wish I had a condom on right now at the bar. If only I had a piece of disgusting, greasy rubber just strangling the base of my tallywacker with enough force to cause my eyes to fly out on springs, like someone from a Warner Brothers cartoon, and...
I don't get that -- people going to war over religion. I don't know, I could see going to war over justice or democracy or even revenge. But if you're going to war over religion, now you're just killing people in an argument over who has the better imaginary friend.
- Richard Jeni - Single or Married(1:52)
- Richard Jeni
- Richard Jeni offers the key to a good relationship.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), men/women (1003), marriage (581), driving (296), Richard Jeni (10)
- Richard Jeni - Condoms(1:22)
- Richard Jeni
- Richard Jeni goes on a lying rampage about condoms.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), sex (1283), alcohol (496), dirty (56), Richard Jeni (10)
- Richard Jeni - Red Lobster(1:45)
- Richard Jeni
- A cow pleads for his life.
- Videos Tagged: food (804), alcohol (496), death (318), Shorties Watchin' Shorties (149), Richard Jeni (10)
I was brought up Catholic. My mom brought us to mass every Sunday -- short for 'massive head trauma' that you get from your mother punching you in your little nine-year-old head every minute because you can't sit still for anything that's boring.
I finally got her to watch a porno with me, and I did not get the reaction I was after. Alright, I shouldn't have started her off with one that I was in -- that was a mistake.
- Richard Jeni - Music at Work(1:09)
- Richard Jeni
- The best part of being a comic is coming on stage to music.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), money (865), music (727), New York City (602), work/office (398), Richard Jeni (10)
- Richard Jeni - Dating(1:55)
- Richard Jeni
- Dating should be more like poker.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), men/women (1003), dating (656), mental health (221), Charles Manson (16), Richard Jeni (10)
- Richard Jeni - Inconvenient(1:28)
- Richard Jeni
- Anti-diarrhea commercials are too unrealistic.
- Videos Tagged: health (976), TV (543), observational (334), pop culture (293), advertising (289), Shorties Watchin' Shorties (149), Richard Jeni (10)
- Richard Jeni - Red Wine and PMS(4:35)
- Richard Jeni
- Red wine and PMS is a witch's brew.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), sex (1283), men/women (1003), dating (656), movies (559), alcohol (496), porn (110), Richard Jeni (10)
- Richard Jeni - Cooking(3:49)
- Richard Jeni
- Richard Jeni wants a cooking show for a guy like him.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), men/women (1003), food (804), marriage (581), potty humor (124), football (107), gross-out (89), Richard Jeni (10)
