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- Hell Gigs - Rich Vos(2:21)
- Rich Vos
- Working a Chuck-E-Cheese sucks, 'cause your more successful friends could walk in at any moment.
- Videos Tagged: Live at Gotham (332), Rich Vos (21)
I hate pit bulls. They're not even dogs; they're weapons.
- Rich Vos - Can I Help You(2:36)
- Rich Vos
- What the lady behind the counter said was, "Can I help you?" What she meant was, "You look suspicious. What are you doing here?"
- Videos Tagged: crime (415), Live at Gotham (332), Rich Vos (21)
I went on match.com to meet a girl on a website. I'm reading all their profiles. Everyone says they like hiking; they all like hiking. How come whenever I date a girl, I can't get her to go to the kitchen to get me a drink, but on a date she wants to cross the Northwest Passage?
Divorce sucks. Let me tell you, after five years of marriage, it is devastating to have the person with the good credit move out.
If I sent a body part to every girl that dumped me, I'd just be a finger.
I liked Amsterdam. I spent $2,000 window shopping.
Good Friday -- isn't that the day Jesus died? I don't think that was Good Friday for him. I don't see him up there going, 'Wooo! Party! Thank Dad, it's Friday!'
If Moses would have walked two more miles, we'd have all the oil.
The best relationship I ever had -- I used to go out with a homeless girl. Yeah, it was great 'cause after sex, I could just drop her off anywhere.
Do the world a favor and drink a bullet, stupid.
I went to counseling, spent $5,000 to have two women call me a loser.
My oldest daughter turned seven. I threw her birthday party at Off-Track Betting -- all the kids are crying; I'm going, 'Calm down, I'll pay you back.'
People that put up Christmas decorations, all they're saying is 'Hey, we're not Jews.'
I got two daughters, and I was divorced when they were young. They were, like, four and two, and they took it tough because I told them it was their fault.
People that work behind the counters in hotels have to be the dumbest people on the planet. Those are the people White Castle said, 'Nah.'
My favorite is that 'Criminal Intent' with Vincent D'Onofrio. That guy knows everything. He could look at a footprint and go, 'She liked her eggs over medium.'
I'm telling you -- once you go white, you go right back to black.
Daddy, what's a pronoun?' 'I don't know, a noun that gets paid?' 'What's a synonym?' 'A bun.' 'What's a homonym?' 'A gay nym.'
- Rich Vos - Anxiety and Depression(1:41)
- Rich Vos
- One of the side effects of anxiety medication is anxiety.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), drugs (639), school (258), mental health (221), Rich Vos (21)
