Most Popular Tags Today
- Mitch Hedberg
- Tragically, Mitch Hedberg passed away on March 30, 2005. Mitch was a beloved member of the Comedy Central family, and we join with his fans in our sadness. He will be missed. Born...Read on
1-20 of 55 Results
I get up in the morning, I make myself a bowl of instant oatmeal, and then I don't do anything for an hour, which makes me wonder why I need the instant oatmeal. I could get the regular oatmeal and feel productive.
I worked at Zany's Comedy Club in Nashville, and I wasn't getting a lot of laughs. People weren't laughing, so after one show, the club owner said, 'Mitch, you're not getting any laughs. You're gonna have to vacuum the club.' He made me vacuum....
Frogs are always cool. Like, never has there been a frog hopping towards me, and I thought, 'Man, I better play dead. Here comes that frog.' I've never said, 'Here comes that frog' in a horrifying manner. It's always optimistic, like, 'Hey, here...
A lot of times, I'll drive for like 10 miles with the emergency brake. That doesn't say a lot for me, but it really doesn't say a lot for the emergency brake.
I like a escalator, man, 'cause an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs.
I got into an argument with a girl inside a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, 'cause then I tried to walk out and slam the flap.
It takes forever to cook a baked potato in a conventional oven. Sometimes, I'll just throw one in there, even if I don't want one. By the time it's done, who knows?
A lot of bars have black lights, and when a bar has black lights, everybody looks very cool -- except for me because I was under the impression that the mustard stain came out.
I was at a casino. I was standing by the door, and a security guard came over and said, 'You gotta move -- you're blocking the fire exit,' as though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run.
Whenever I walk, people try to hand me out fliers, and when someone tries to hand me out a flier, it's kinda like they're saying, 'Here, you throw this away.'
If you're flammable and have legs, you're never blocking a fire exit.
People who smoke cigarettes, they say 'Man, you don't know how hard it is to quit smoking.' Yes, I do -- it's as hard as it is to start flossing.
- Mitch Hedberg - Party of Two(0:47)
- Mitch Hedberg
- People are selfish.
- Videos Tagged: food (804), Shorties Watchin' Shorties (149), alternative (101), Mitch Hedberg (19)
- Mitch Hedberg - Blocking the Fire Exit(2:17)
- Mitch Hedberg
- If you're flammable and have legs, you're never blocking a fire exit.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), food (804), alternative (101), Mitch Hedberg (19)
- Mitch Hedberg - Cincinnati Tribute(1:50)
- Tommy Johnagin
- Josh Sneed, Timothy Northern, Jeff Tate and others pay tribute to the late great Mitch Hedberg by telling their favorite Mitch Hedberg jokes.
- Videos Tagged: animals (791), Mitch Hedberg (19), ducks (3)
- Mitch Hedberg - Radio Show(3:24)
- Mitch Hedberg
- Mitch Hedberg, Lewis Black and Dave Attell sit down for a radio interview in Austin, Texas.
- Videos Tagged: Indecision (1359), Dave Attell (61), Mitch Hedberg (19), Video tape (5)
- Mitch Hedberg - Fan Mail(1:11)
- Mitch Hedberg
- Mitch Hedberg and Dave Attell share a smoke and read a fan letter from a Baltimore bar owner.
- Videos Tagged: school (258), smoking (126), Dave Attell (61), Mitch Hedberg (19)
When I was on acid, I'd see things like beams of light and I'd hear sounds that sounded an awful lot like car horns.
I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls, but on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. And Pringles is a laid-back company -- they said, 'F**k it. Cut 'em up.'
I wrote a script, and I gave it to a guy who reads scripts. And he read it and he says he really likes it, but he thinks I need to rewrite it. I said, 'F**k that, I'll just make a copy.'
