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- Megan Mooney
- The year was 1974. The city was Houston, Texas. The baby was Megan Anne Mooney. The two crying people were her parents. In a small town in Texas the miracle was born. She was quickly shuttled home to her older brother and sister (Jimmy and...Read on
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I always have this dream that the guy coming in last for diving is going to do a cannonball for our amusement.
I'm from a big Irish family, which is cool. My parents had seven children, but I don't think they wanted seven kids. They're Catholic, so that means they love Jesus and hate four of us.
My parents are Catholic, which means that they love Jesus and liquor. I don't think there's anything more Mexican than that.
We thought it was a bad idea you guys got married, but we didn't feel like we could say anything because it was open bar.
I have a niece that's an animal abuser. You ever see kids who love animals, but they beat the tar out of them? Right, she's like, 'I love the dog!' And then she'll tackle it and bite its ear.
If you like 'The Price Is Right,' you're either 90 or a pothead.
I'm just hanging out, minding my own business. He yells from across the room something he thinks is funny. He's like, 'What's the matter, Megan? You don't have any children because your husband's got a low sperm count?'... I was like, 'I don't know -- doesn't taste like it.'
Why would your friends make you wear an ugly dress? Because it's their wedding, not yours. My friends weren't even nice. They're like, 'Could the dress show more back fat? Let's get these tighter.'
You ever get a gift from somebody and, as you open up that gift, you involuntarily shout out, 'Do you even know me?!'
When you need to remove yourself from your group of friends to come up with a strategy for sounding sober enough to be served more alcohol, the fun is behind you.
You can't go from my level of activity into a marathon. Maybe a good start for me is not taking the car to get the mail.
Who's a lesbian? That woman in the tuxedo? I don't think so, Megan. Maybe she knows magic or works in a fancy restaurant.'
- Megan Mooney - Back Fat(1:05)
- Megan Mooney
- Megan is forced to wear back fat-revealing dresses.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), marriage (581), lookin' good (369), friends (312), weight/obesity (302), fashion (230), Megan Mooney (13)
- Megan Mooney - Drinking Race(3:17)
- Megan Mooney
- Megan practices ordering alcohol.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), animals (791), alcohol (496), storyteller (263), partying (146), Megan Mooney (13)
- Megan Mooney - Megan's Brothers(0:54)
- Megan Mooney
- Megan's brothers sound like Janet Reno.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), family (667), exercise (140), siblings (80), Janet Reno (28), Megan Mooney (13)
- Megan Mooney - Drinking for Two(1:21)
- Megan Mooney
- Megan pretends to be pregnant while drinking at a bar.
- Videos Tagged: health (976), kids (841), Premium Blend (750), alcohol (496), partying (146), dark (83), Megan Mooney (13)
- Megan Mooney - Animal Abuse(1:06)
- Megan Mooney
- Megan suspects her niece of animal abuse.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), animals (791), family (667), violence (304), immigration (160), dogs (156), siblings (80), Megan Mooney (13)
- Megan Mooney - Dad's Friends(1:24)
- Megan Mooney
- Megan has a retort for her dad's friend.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), sex (1283), kids (841), family (667), parents (525), friends (312), violence (304), aging (296), Megan Mooney (13)
- Megan Mooney - Bad Gift(1:31)
- Megan Mooney
- Megan's friends don't know her.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), sex (1283), men/women (1003), family (667), sports (631), friends (312), weight/obesity (302), sexism (22), athletes (17), Megan Mooney (13)
- Megan Mooney - The Junebug(1:53)
- Megan Mooney
- Megan's got an idea for an Olympic dive.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), men/women (1003), sports (631), TV (543), Olympics (140), nudity (73), non sequiturs (38), Megan Mooney (13)
