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- Laura Kightlinger
- Laura Kightlinger stands out as a true original in the world of comedy. Her individual style and vision echoes through the incredibly popular characters on the hit NBC series "Will and Grace." In addition to her title as consulting producer on...Read on
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Whenever I have food ordered in, I try to decide what is the worst way to come to the door, and I've decided it's tied to a chair.
There was this woman that I used to work with, and every Monday -- didn't talk to me during the week -- but every Monday she'd say, 'How was your weekend? How's your weekend?' And then I said, 'Oh, not good. I accidentally killed a man.' And she said, 'Oh, you should have called me! We went antiquing.'
- Laura Kightlinger(4:21)
- Laura Kightlinger discusses her embarrassing stories of rejection.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: interview (2828), book (118), Laura Kightlinger (22), fired (8)
- Laura Kightlinger - Back-Door Sex(2:01)
- Laura Kightlinger
- It's already hard enough to keep the front door nice for company.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), sex (1283), marriage (581), Laura Kightlinger (22)
- Laura Kightlinger - How to Be a Stand-up Comedian(4:10)
- Laura Kightlinger
- Laura Kightlinger has a patented program for funny.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), sex (1283), alternative (101), Laura Kightlinger (22)
- Laura Kightlinger - Baseball Movies(1:31)
- Laura Kightlinger
- America loves surprisingly agile, fairly attractive retards -- like Forrest Gump.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), sports (631), movies (559), Laura Kightlinger (22)
- Laura Kightlinger - Homeless Person(1:05)
- Laura Kightlinger
- Laura Kightlinger gave money to a street person and still managed to disappoint him.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), money (865), Laura Kightlinger (22)
- Laura Kightlinger - Hardship(1:07)
- Laura Kightlinger
- Everybody's life has some hardship.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), terrorism (439), Italy (35), Laura Kightlinger (22)
I think that talk show themes have finally gone too far. I was watching a show where three people came out and they started talking about their failed attempts at suicide. And after it was over, they flashed a 1-800 number across the screen, so...
I'm tired of movies like 'Indecent Proposal' and 'Pretty Woman' because that's just saying the most a woman can hope for in her career is to sleep with a rich man -- and that's just such a small part of it.
Stand-up is such a selfless profession. You know, the only difference between me and a surgeon or a pediatrician is that when I approach a couple with a child and say, 'I'd like to keep him for a few days and do some bloodwork,' it's considered inappropriate.
I slept with my mother until I was nine years old. It was OK for the first few years, and then I don't know what happened. I just couldn't do it anymore. I mean, sleeping with the same woman, night after night -- boring.
I don't understand why people procreate when there are kids here already who need to be exploited, ignored and abused.
When you see them interviewed, they say, 'It's a blessing. God wanted us to have eight healthy two-pound babies.' Well, I say what about when they weren't able to have babies in the first place? How could God be any clearer than that?
I give the guy the change, and he says, 'Oh, I thought you were gonna give me a sandwich,' and I said, 'Oh, I thought you'd want the money for alcohol.'
This friend of mine is into all this holistic stuff, and she gave me these energy crystals. And what they are is -- they're crystals that you grind into a powder, then you blow them up your nose. It's incredible. I feel like I can talk all night. And I will.
I have a man in my life. He is so special. This guy -- he kisses me before we do it.
I'm sick of fighting it. I'm sick of having them say why it would be so great and me saying why it would not be so great. So, I've just decided that this is my excuse. This is what I say: 'You know, it's not that I don't want you to, the honest to...
I have a rule, and that is to never look at somebody's face while we're having sex. Because, number one, what if I know the guy?
I used to temp, and I think there's something about steady exposure to fluorescent lights that can dissolve any trace of a personality.
