Most Popular Tags Today
- Kyle Grooms
- In just a few short years Kyle Grooms has become one of the funniest young comics on the New York stand-up circuit. His love for comedy caused him to abandon his career as Art Director for a Hispanic television network and perform comedy full...Read on
1-20 of 25 Results
I knew some people who lost their jobs after 30 years of work. They went in their cubicle, and they had a note that said, 'Get yo' ass out.' And they're like, 'Get yo' ass out -- what is this? What am I supposed to do?' 'Uh, you supposed to get...
- Kyle Grooms - Women(1:57)
- Kyle Grooms
- Kyle Grooms loves women.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), dating (656), growing up (453), Kyle Grooms (9)
I want to be a thug so bad, but I can't 'cause I wear glasses. Isn't that crazy? No one respects my thug-ism because I have astigmatism.
I started wearing glasses, and people started saying I looked smart. I'm like, huh? I ain't smart; I can't see! I didn't go to Harvard; I went to Lens Crafters.
You can't be gangster with astigmatism. And I love grimy music, but I can't be a thug. What am I gonna do -- rob bookstores?
I know tap water. I grew up drinking it, I did. My mother wouldn't buy anything else. But she tried to make tap water sound delicious. She called it 'city punch.'
My mother... would save her money and take us skiing on the weekend, which was brave. She took a black family skiing. This was the 80s -- brothers weren't skiing, man. People didn't know what we were coming down the mountain. They'd be looking up,...
White kids' parents used to make some good cookies. My mother, she made sweet potato pie. She bought cookies, and they were never the good cookies. It was always the pack of 1000 that said: 'Cookies.'
I like immigrants 'cause they really appreciate America. They get here; they happy. They look up at the buildings like, 'Wow! It's beautiful.' And we're like, 'You like it? Good. You gonna clean the bathrooms.'
People get fired for robots. I hope that doesn't happen with comedy. You'll come to a comedy show, there'll be a robot on stage. 'For family jokes, press one. Relationship jokes, press two. For penis jokes, press deez nuts.'
There are simple things I love about a woman. I love it when you smile, especially when you have teeth.
My girl Puerto Rican, man, and I don't think her family understands me. All they know is that I'm black and do comedy. They be calling me Eddie Murphy.
Interracial dating is becoming more popular. I see people dating, man -- different cultures, different ethnic groups, different religions, man. 'Cause people looking for love! They ain't got time to wait for the colors to match.
The first girl I ever made love to, she was ghetto as hell. She told me, 'You couldn't even handle this.' I was like, 'Ooh, bring it over here. I'll knock a welfare check out your ass.'
- Kyle Grooms - Glasses(2:43)
- Kyle Grooms
- Kyle Grooms got smarter since he started wearing glasses.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), drugs (639), self-deprecating (211), Harry Potter (38), Kyle Grooms (9)
- Kyle Grooms - Immigrants(2:41)
- Kyle Grooms
- Kyle Grooms loves immigrants.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), America (446), Arnold Schwarzenegger (107), Kyle Grooms (9), Austria (5)
- Kyle Grooms - Un-brainwashed(2:07)
- Kyle Grooms
- Kyle Grooms tries to get un-brainwashed.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), work/office (398), technology (348), robots (72), Kyle Grooms (9)
They want to keep foreign threats out of the U.S. I have a solution. I think we should put a velvet rope around the entire U.S. border and hire nightclub bouncers to guard the country. No, seriously, 'cause nobody takes their job as serious as a...
Jokes Tagged:
news & politics (616),
work/office (325),
America (72),
terrorism (51),
Kyle Grooms (16)
I love my mother, man, 'cause she wanted to keep me and my brothers off the streets. We grew up in a drug-infested neighborhood -- the United States.
America's getting more and more culturally diverse every day, man. It's beautiful, man. We're trying to get along. We're good people. That's why I hate it when the president says the world hate us. Every time I see him on TV, 'The world hates us and our freedom.' And I'm like, 'Us? It's you!'
