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- Kurt Metzger
- Besides regularly performing in many a NYC comedy club, Kurt Metzger's credits include performing on Comedy Central's Live at Gotham, Showtime's White Boys in the Hood and as a regular on VH1's Best Week Ever. Kurt will be filming a half hour...Read on
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I need glasses really bad, and it turns out I can't wear them, medically, because my eyebrows are too g**damn big. I'm not wearing glasses. And I got big nostrils, also. It looks like I have a beard, but that is the shadow of my nostrils. If I...
- Kurt Metzger - Settling Down(2:27)
- Kurt Metzger
- It's called "settling down" for a reason.
- Videos Tagged: men/women (987), dating (649), Live at Gotham (293), Kurt Metzger (14)
- Kurt Metzger - Interview - Early Days(1:25)
- Kurt Metzger
- In this exclusive interview, Kurt Metzger remembers that his early days as a comedian sucked for a long time.
- Videos Tagged: interview (2793), Comedy Central Presents (1821), Russ Meneve (16), Kurt Metzger (14)
- Kurt Metzger - Kinoki Foot Pads(3:53)
- Kurt Metzger
- If Kurt is ever HIV positive, he'll have to treat it with Kinoki Foot Pads.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), AIDS (57), Kurt Metzger (14)
- Kurt Metzger - Ice Cream(3:21)
- Kurt Metzger
- Ben and Jerry's is the fun ice cream; Haagen Dazs is the Nazi ice cream.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), AIDS (57), Kurt Metzger (14)
- Kurt Metzger - Religious Tolerance(2:30)
- Kurt Metzger
- If you see a grown man dressed like Space Ghost, just assume he doesn't listen to people.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), men/women (987), religion (770), Kurt Metzger (14)
- Kurt Metzger - Bake and Brag(2:57)
- Kurt Metzger
- Kurt still gets high because there are no good commercials to convince him otherwise.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), marijuana (186), Kurt Metzger (14)
- Kurt Metzger - PlayStation 3(2:06)
- Kurt Metzger
- Kurt just wants to see your PlayStation 3.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), men/women (987), dating (649), Kurt Metzger (14)
I saw liposuction. You ever see how they do that? It's, like, violent. They get the hose -- it looks like they're mad at how fat you are.
She's like, 'Oh, I'm not a 10? What does that mean? Did you settle? Did you have to settle for me?' Which is awkward because that's what I thought we were both doing, first of all. It's a problem now? Isn't that why it's called 'settling down'?...
You know, human beings are the only animal in all of nature that sometimes shoves other animals up their ass.
- Hell Gigs - Kurt Metzger(1:30)
- Kurt Metzger
- Kurt did warm-up for the daytime version of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire."
- Videos Tagged: Kurt Metzger (14), Paul Mecurio (12), Hell Gigs (9), Meredith Vieira (6), exclusive (6)
- Kurt Metzger - Ethiopian Food(2:49)
- Kurt Metzger
- Kurt Metzger didn't even know they had Ethiopian restaurants.
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), ethnic (813), food (790), New York (124), Kurt Metzger (14)
- Kurt Metzger - An Eighth Cherokee(2:22)
- Kurt Metzger
- There's one detail about your heritage that Kurt doesn't want to hear about.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), ethnic (813), dating (649), racism (195), Kurt Metzger (14)
- Kurt Metzger - How to Protect Yourself from Your Own Mouth(1:07)
- You can't give your girlfriend an "8" after you give another woman a "10" in front of her.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: men/women (987), dating (649), lookin' good (362), Kurt Metzger (14), Lessons in Taste Protection (6)
Posted 09/03/09 on CC Insider
Recently, we brought you advice from comedians on how to protect yourself from life's many dangers. Today, we have two more videos. First up, Al Jackson uses candy to protect himself. You might be thinking, "Candy is for sissies?!" But I think Bow Wow Wow proved long ago that candy is for guys who are tough but sweet, and also for guys who are buried to their neck in sand. Be sure to check out the rest of the videos here. Click after the jump to watch Kurt Metzger talking about how to protect yourself from bugs.
Posted 08/21/09 on CC Insider
The world is filled with so many dangers. The way I protect myself is by never leaving my apartment. On the down side, the lack of human interaction is slowly driving me insane. On the plus side, did you know lizard people were controlling the world? If you're not into the whole being crazy thing, here's some advice from comedians on how to best protect yourself from the world's many dangers. Here's Kurt Metzger on how to protect yourself from your own mouth. Click here to check out the rest of the lessons for protecting yourself. Click after the jump to get advice from Julian McCullough on how he protected himself from a bad break-up.
- Kurt Metzger - Hilarious Crimes(2:30)
- Kurt Metzger
- It's hard to find a reliable motel gynecologist.
- Videos Tagged: health (956), media (640), crime (412), weight/obesity (297), Live at Gotham (293), self-deprecating (208), Kurt Metzger (14)
- Kurt Metzger - How to Protect Yourself at Home(1:03)
- Bugs are gaining new powers. That's not supposed to happen! Are we just going to sit on our hands about this?
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: food (790), animals (783), flying (179), Kurt Metzger (14), Lessons in Taste Protection (6), bugs (5), apartments (1)
- Kurt Metzger - The 101 Craziest Objects(1:56)
- Kurt Metzger
- People put a lot of strange things up their asses.
- Videos Tagged: health (956), kids (828), animals (783), TV (536), Live at Gotham (293), school (254), rants (130), gross-out (87), Discovery Channel (31), Kurt Metzger (14)
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