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- Jeffrey Ross
- Jeffrey Ross is feared and revered for his appearances at celebrity roasts. In fact, making fun of people is a way of life for Jeffrey...Read on
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- Jeffrey Ross - Blue Collar Break-Up(1:14)
- Jeffrey Ross
- Jeffrey Ross asks Larry the Cable Guy why the Blue Collar Comedy Tour broke up.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: Larry the Cable Guy (35), Jeffrey Ross (23)
Pamela Anderson from 'Baywatch' is on the cover of the new Playboy. My buddy calls me up, 'Jeff, Jeff, did you read it?' I said, 'Read<\i> it? I ruined<\i> it.'
I'm not like other comedians. I want you to know that right now. I start out slow -- and then get fired.
- Red Carpet - Roaster Interviews(2:10)
- Josh Wolf
- Roasters Jeff Foxworthy, Lisa Lampanelli, Warren Sapp, Jeffrey Ross and Maureen McCormick talk to Josh Wolf about the night ahead.
- On comedycentral.com
- Videos Tagged: Lisa Lampanelli (36), Larry the Cable Guy (35), Jeffrey Ross (23), Jeff Foxworthy (19)
You think that circus freaks are politically correct with other circus freaks? Think the strong man is in the back of the circus tent, 'Hey look, it's the bearded lady over there!' 'Excuse me, we prefer to be called Italian Americans.'
It's a lot of pressure being a comedian, sometimes, it really is. I was dating this girl once for a few weeks. And the first time she saw my penis, she said, 'Is everything a joke with you?'
I'm hung like a hang nail. They call me the Cashew Jew.
I had a girlfriend once who was kinda kinky. She used to say this, 'Talk dirty to me. Talk dirty to me.' You never hear the opposite, 'Hey baby, talk clean to me.' 'Oh my God, I want to meet your parents. I wanna walk around the mall wearing...
The first time I asked her to dance, / she just smiled and nodded her head and giggled. / And when I asked her to be my wife, / she just smiled and nodded her head and giggled. / When I asked her how many children she wanted to have, / she just...
This is a poem I wrote about my experience here in Las Vegas. It's called, 'Where the F**k is the ATM Machine?' Poker, four in the morning, biggest pot of the night, couldn't fold. / I was gonna win that hand. I had a jack high. Decided to bluff...
I ran into my old girlfriend yesterday. / And I backed up and ran into her again. / I miss her sometimes.
My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104. We called her Aunt Tique.
There was a guy at my show the other night with his girlfriend, on a Saturday night, wearing flip-flops. It's like saying, 'Hey, baby, anybody disrespects you in any way tonight, there ain't a f**king thing I can do about it. I don't have the proper ankle support to be defending your honor, OK?'
At this point we should just make it the 51st state. Welcome to Iraqachusetts: live free and die.
You know you're getting fat when you go to unbutton the top of your pants -- and you already did it.
I got wasted last night, and I hit an animal with my car -- in the lobby of Caesar's Palace.
Wouldn't it be great if our bodies were designed so that instead of bad things, good things could be transmitted through sex? Like skills. 'Oh baby, I'm gonna do you 'til you can juggle.' 'Oh my God, don't stop 'til I'm a carpenter, computer...
I'm not always politically correct, like I said. I don't even know the language anymore. Like, tell me if I'm getting this right, OK? Indians are now Native Americans. Black people are African Americans. Irish people are Drunk Americans.
My manager's Jewish. My agent's Jewish. Let's face it, show business is run by 2,000 Jews and Oprah, and she lives next door to Spielberg, which makes her Jewish by association.
I went to Tower Records the other night to try to buy a new needle for my record player. I might as well have said, 'Excuse me, do you good men sell cannon balls? I'm fresh out o' cannon balls for ye old cannon back home. Come on, I ain't got all fortnight. The British are coming!'
