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- Gilbert Gottfried
- At the young age of 15, Gilbert Gottfried began doing stand-up at open mic nights in New York City. After a few short years, he became known around town as "the comedian's comedian." In 1980, producers of the legendary NBC late night comedy...Read on
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And I said to him, 'Jeez, Jeezy boy, I feel like no one will ever accept me.' And Jesus looked at me and said, 'You know what my theory is -- accept me or go to hell.'
At the Last Supper, how come no one sat at the other side of the table?
They had that red-haired gorilla with the English accent that was their leader. They never explained, if there's no England in the picture, how did he get that accent? You'd think at least one of the monkeys would have been there going, 'Why's he talking that way?'
I wish sometimes that I could lose my temper the way that Charlton Heston did in the original 'Planet of the Apes,' that scene where he says, 'Take your paws off me, you damn dirty apes!' And he did that after they threw a net on him. It's like,...
If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.
I always felt bad for Mother Teresa. Mother Teresa lived a whole life helping starving children and dying villages, but she could never be declared a saint 'cause she never actually performed a miracle. And it was towards the end, she was...
- Gilbert Gottfried - Last Supper(0:35)
- Gilbert Gottfried
- Gilbert Gottfried has a problem with the Last Supper.
- Videos Tagged: food (804), religion (776), Shorties Watchin' Shorties (149), Gilbert Gottfried (7)
I've always felt sorry for Jesus 'cause you know no matter what he ever did, he could never live up to his father.
I'm really glad that O.J. Simpson has custody of the kids. I think O.J. will make a great father. See, the average parent says, 'Do your homework'; the kid are like, 'Yeah, I'll do it after I get through watching TV.' O.J. says do your homework,...
How exactly do they prove that you've been masturbating? Do they dust for prints?
Every time you open the paper now, there seems to be another celebrity getting arrest for masturbation. First, it was Peewee Herman and then George Michael. If masturbation's a crime, I should be on death row.
- Gilbert Gottfried - The Land of The Three Name People(4:29)
- Gilbert Gottfried
- How many names do you have?
- Videos Tagged: Comedy Central Presents (1821), religion (776), celebrities (234), rants (130), Gilbert Gottfried (7)
- Atone Phone - Gilbert Gottfried(06:11)
- Gilbert Gottfried wants to apologize for being jealous of Stephen's success.
- On comedycentral.com
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- Gilbert Gottfried - Jesus' Father(4:54)
- Gilbert Gottfried
- No matter what Jesus did, he could never live up to his father.
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- Gilbert Gottfried - Impressions(2:49)
- Gilbert Gottfried
- Gilbert Gottfried does impressions of Jerry Seinfeld, Davy Jones, Bob Dylan, Elmer Fudd and Yosemite Sam.
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- Gilbert Gottfried - Planet of the Apes(3:42)
- Gilbert Gottfried
- Ignore the human mouths behind the plastic monkey mask mouths.
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- Gilbert Gottfried - Powerful Right Arm(3:27)
- Gilbert Gottfried
- Gilbert Gottfried masturbates so much that his right arm has become a weapon.
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